Daily humor thread

[silverado427 10,717]

[SuRrEaLNJ 294]

[Zeke 5,504]

17191077_798081993690242_3383710401947617741_n.jpg

Ha ha!

You should look at the incarnation/ capita data

[silverado427 10,717]

[Shawnmoore81 623]

I know I should have posted this in the "deals" area. But I was in a "trendy" store today at the mall. I saw empty ammo cans on the shelf and it was such a great deal I figure I'll share

 

 

 

That's right. Only $80

 

 

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[silverado427 10,717]

[InFamous 311]

I literally started laughing out loud because I read the bottom before I looked at the shirt. My 15yr old daughter was not as amused. 

 

[louu 399]

Shut up and take my money 

[louu 399]

Found them on amazon gogetchawon 

[Krdshrk 3,877]

I literally started laughing out loud because I read the bottom before I looked at the shirt. My 15yr old daughter was not as amused. 

 

 

[CMJeepster 2,778]

No G. Please, no G. I can't even look at that picture!!!

[Krdshrk 3,877]

No G. Please, no G. I can't even look at that picture!!!

 

I feel the same way

[InFamous 311]

Baby poop!

[InFamous 311]

Found them on amazon gogetchawon 

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=liberty+gun+beer+trump&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aliberty+gun+beer+trump

[Zeke 5,504]

Avocado is muscle

[MartyZ 692]

[Zeke 5,504]

Oh, that's not right

[Sota 1,191]

I fucking love Guacamole.

[PD2K 115]

I agree...I bet the guac would go well with that sandwich.

[SmittyMHS 603]

Man lost wife...

 

 

Husband:

                My wife is missing.

                She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!



                Sheriff: Height ?

                Husband:  I'm not sure.   A little over five-feet tall.



                Sheriff: Weight ?

                Husband:  Don't know.  Not slim, not really fat.



                Sheriff: Color of eyes ?

                Husband: Sort of brown I think.  Never really noticed.



                Sheriff: Color of hair ?Husband: Changes a couple times a year.  Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.



                Sheriff:   What was she wearing ?

                Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts.  I don't know exactly.



                Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in ?

                Husband:  She went in my truck.



                Sheriff:   What kind of truck was it ?

                Husband : A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup
holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.



                At this point the husband started choking up.




                Sheriff:   Take it easy sir,

                we'll find your truck!!!

[MartyZ 692]

[silverado427 10,717]

[SmittyMHS 603]

[silverado427 10,717]

[silverado427 10,717]

[SmittyMHS 603]

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all.  I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed

and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

 

"I was working on my MBA on-line.  I had no bills and no debt.  I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened?  Drugs?  Alcohol?  Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said.  "No, no.... I was paroled."

[Stonecoldchavez 92]

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.

One day she goes up and knocks on a biker’s door. A big hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.

“She proclaims, “I want to join your club.”

The guy was amused, but explains that she needs to meet certain criteria biker requirements in order to join the club. The biker asks, “Do you have a motorcycle?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep, my bike’s parked over there,” and pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

The biker asks, “Do you drink?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep, drink like a fish…beer mostly, whiskey when I’m shooting pool. I’ll drink everyone in your club under the table.”

The biker is surprised but then asks, “Do you smoke?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day, and cigars when I’m drinking whiskey and shooting pool.”

The biker is very impressed and asks, “Last question, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz…?”

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, “Nope, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times……”

[SmittyMHS 603]

Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"At this point, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired..."How much for a season pass?" 

[PK90 3,570]

HILLARY'S NEW BOOK

What should she call it?

 

10. What difference does it make?

9. Left out

8. End of an Error

7. An Inconvenient Truth

6. Russian to judgement

5. Cloudy With a Chance of Comey

4. Under Deliver and Through The Woods

3. How to Lose a Race in 10 Ways

2. Hillary's Believe it or Not

1. Trumped

 

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[T Bill 649]