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Howard

Science jokes----

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1. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house.

Time passes.

After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

 

The Physicist concludes that, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist’s conclusion: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician concludes: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."

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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house.

Time passes.

After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

 

The Physicist concludes that, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist’s conclusion: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician concludes: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."

 

My 9 year old is learning math like that in school - except he has to draw circles in boxes to prove that 3-1=0

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Three mathematicians are sitting in a duck blind, when a pintail flies by, presenting a challenging crossing shot.

 

The calculus professor swings through, over leads it, and shoots 5' in front of the duck.

 

The actuary fires next, but shoots 5' behind the duck.

 

The statistician jumps up and yells 'we got it!'

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