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Cecil Harvey

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About Cecil Harvey

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    NJGF Member

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  • Location:
    Essex County
  • Home Range
    Cherry Ridge

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  1. In my view, marriage is an indissoluble bond. Should I have been more careful looking at warning signs early on? Maybe. Probably. But I didn't. I'm a grown man. When I said 'till death do us part' I meant it. But you and I disagree on the teleology of marriage. In my view, the primary ends of marriage don't include personal happiness; it's spelled out succinctly in Baltimore Catechism Q1010. I completely understand where you're coming from, but I have to politely and respectfully disagree. Not trying to convince you. Also, please note that I'm not trying to pin all of this on her. There's things about me that has to change too, and frankly, I haven't put much time into that.
  2. I almost never do, and I scold my daughter when she does, telling her that she needs to be respectful of her mother. That's just how I was raised. I've unfortunately had some fights in front of the kids that I shouldn't have had. I need to work on that.
  3. My eldest has told me a few things of what she knows independently. She's smart and observant. I think she's actually more frustrated with my wife than I am. I think she's wired a lot like me -- straight-forward, no-nonsense, tech savvy, and logical. She also likes shooting. Now that she's 10, I take her to the range whenever I can. She's got a cute little Savage Rascal. That thing shoots surprisingly well for its price.
  4. 11 years. We've got two kids. Not giving up any time soon. We haven't tried counseling before. I'm not prioritizing my happiness at all. It's about the wellbeing of my kids. If I end up happy, that's a bonus.
  5. I don't think something is that imminent. I'm going to talk to my lawyer first. Have an appointment at 9am tomorrow. The guy working the desk at Gunsitters told me that the owner of Gunsitters can make up a bill of sale for all of my guns, and execute it when I make a phone call from me or my lawyer. I'd have the bill of sale to show the cops, and they can go from there. I don't know about the legality of this option, so I'm going to defer to my lawyer on that.
  6. I'm not going full retard. I also can say with absolute certainty that I will not initiate a divorce, barring something totally unforeseen like endangering the kid's lives. I'm an old-fashioned Catholic that takes marriage really seriously. Again, I just don't want to end up in jail because some counselor thinks I'm a baby-killing NRA terrorist who owns shoulder-things that go up. However, I'm a bit less certain of her convictions, so I am meeting with a lawyer later this week. I've been putting off getting a will done and trust for the kids anyway. I'm going to be talking to him about potentially shielding myself and the kids from the worst fallout of a divorce. It kinda makes me nauseous thinking about doing this without telling her; that doesn't seem like something a married man ought to have to do. My lawyer has experience with gun-related things; I was thinking about leaving the keys to my Gunsitters locker with him for the time being just in case something happens. I kindof have a gut feeling something might. But if I'm wrong, there's not a whole lot of cost to me for taking this extra step. Way ahead of you. All of my guns are there right now. I'm looking to have my lawyer hold on to the keys for the time being.
  7. I have talked to the priest at my parish quite extensively. He suggests we get counseling from a professional. He unfortunately is relatively new to the area and doesn't have any contacts to recommend, but is completely supportive. I'd been trying to work stuff out with her for years, and it's not working. And no, the issues don't involve firearms directly (she doesn't think it's a big deal that NJ's trying to ban, well, everything, and thinks I'm dumb for caring, but that's far from our biggest issue.) I wasn't planning on bringing them up, but though I've asked my wife multiple times to never mention that I own guns to any of our neighbors, she often lets it slip.
  8. I appreciate what you're saying, but there's no way I can be comfortable with someone who might try and throw my butt in jail because someone mentions that I own guns. All of my guns are out of the house (at Gunsitters), but I don't want to deal with cops coming to tear my house apart if a counselor gets a bright idea. Also know if this happens to me, I'll almost definitely lose my job, and I'm super financially strapped at the moment. My employer is VERY anti-gun. And I'm the only income in the family.
  9. I accept that I'm wrong about a whole bunch of things. The thing is, if I knew what those things were, I'd already know what to do differently. My point is: I'm doing, right now, what I *currently think* is correct, because that is what I've reasoned my way in to. I also assume that I'm incorrect about a number of those things, and want someone to point out to me in a clear way what those are. I'm 100% open to the fact that I'm wrong about a number of things, but am also currently unable to see them.
  10. All of my guns are currently at Gunsitters. I've never sold or lost a gun, and all my 15-rounders were given to a friend out of state the day before the mag ban went into effect. My safe has nothing but ammo and paperwork in it. Let's just say my wife had a bit of an episode, and the first thing I did was remove anything from the house. This is good advice; even though I personally didn't need it because it's already done, I'm sure many others do.
  11. Obviously there are some coping strategies and stuff, but the best way to get through to me in my programmer brain is to convince me of a rational argument. I'm not looking for a referee, per se, just someone rational enough to convince me that something is a good idea based on reason, not woo or feels. Obviously, I feel like my approach to everything is correct, because otherwise I wouldn't do it. I want something to call *me* out when I'm wrong, and do so effectively. I don't see this as me vs. her. Winning = we both win. Otherwise, I would have entered a contract, not a marriage. BTW, @raz-0, thank you for your response. I'm not in the best place right now. I know I'm not always the best at communicating my intentions.
  12. My wife and I need some help to work some stuff out. There's been no violence or threats thereof by either party. I'd like to get counseling for the two of us, but I don't want to risk some off-hand mention about me owning guns leading to a red flag. I also would rather patronize pro-2A people. Also looking for someone who is strongly pro-marriage and won't counsel us to get divorced if things aren't perfect. Another preferable trait is someone who is rational in the traditional sense (i.e., believes in the principals of non-contradiction, sufficient reason, and excluded middle).
  13. Maplewood resident here. I just went through the process which is almost complete. I spent 2 weeks tracking down the detective who handles the process. He gave me the code to punch in to the online form. Criminal check and references went quickly. Then spent another two weeks trying to meet up with the detective so I could pay my $2 for the permit. Finally met with him last week. He said it would likely be another 1-2 weeks till I get my permit. Sucks that we still have to go through this process, but at least it's more transparent. Also, last time I applied, it took 5 months to get my permits. This time, from the time I filled out the online form to now is about 4 weeks. Assuming I get my permits next week, that's a 5 weeks instead of months. The real thing I don't understand is why they can't just collect the $2 via credit card and then send the permits to the police, rather than charge the police $2 per permit for a box of them in advance. That alone would have shaved 2 weeks off the process. I can't wait to get out of this hell-hole of a state. Wish my wife was on board. After the kids leave for college (still got plenty more years for that), I'm leaving this state with or without her. She can figure out how to pay for property taxes without my income.
  14. I'm an NJIT alum who graduated in 2002. When I was a student, a friend of mine took me shooting on a few occasions, and I had a fantastic time. I would have continued to go shooting, except: I didn’t have a car I was a broke college student I graduated, paid off debt, bought a house, got married, had kids, and finally picked up the hobby again when I had the means. And I want to do for NJIT students what my friend did for me years ago. But I’d like to do it at a larger scale. I was inspired by Tony Simon's 2nd is for Everyone and Diversity shoots, and I'd like to give back to my alma mater in a particular way. I’d like to facilitate monthly range trips for NJIT students. I'm open to everything from an informal group that just gets a van to ride over from NJIT to Gun For Hire for quick safety instruction followed by an hour of rimfire, to a full blown club/school USPSA team. I'm also willing to foot some of the bill for this sort of thing, and seek other sponsors. I'd want this to be ideally no cost for students, at least first-timers. If not free, at least low cost. The thing is, I still hang out with some of my friends from those days, but despite the fact that I live only a few miles from campus, I've not kept any connection to the student body or alumni organizations at large. If there are any students or active alumni interested, and want to either form a club or do something informal, please reach out to me. I think if we want to win this fight long term, we need to get younger people from NJ who have zero exposure to guns to have positive exposure to the shooting sports. Lord knows that guns are demonized on virtually all college campuses. If I'm successful here, I'm happy to expand it to other schools in the area.
  15. If you want to do USPSA production and IDPA SSP, I'd consider something basic. like a CZ-75B or CZ-75 SP01. If you want to go a little higher end, you could go with the SP-01 Shadow II. Whether or not you want to go with one of the models with the Omega trigger is personal taste. The real advantage is it's a simplified trigger mechanism that's easier to service. I don't like it as much as their more traditional trigger, but that's just preference.
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