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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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The Board Meeting

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office,
one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.
Finally, it was his turn to be summoned.
Ted entered the office to find the Chairman
and the other four Directors seated
at the far end of the boardroom table.
Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table,
which he did.
The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye,
and with a stern voice, he asked:
"Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Floyd?"
"Oh, no, sir, positively not...!" Ted replied.
"Are you absolutely sure..?"asked the chairman
"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her...!"
"You'd swear to that...?"
"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Floyd,
anytime, anywhere…" insisted Ted.
"Good. Then YOU fire her."

 

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Do You Know Someone Suffering From Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder ( T.U.R.D.)?
Know the signs, spot the symptoms, and save a life!
 
Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder is a pattern of pathologically dissociative and psychotic behavior, first observed in the late hours of November 8th 2016, and increasing in severity with passing time.
 
Sufferers of Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder often exhibit pronounced cognitive dissonance, sudden bouts of rage, rioting, and uncontrollable crying.
 
People with Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder are characterized by a persistent unwillingness to accept that Donald Trump is going to Make America Great Again.
 
Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder was directly caused by the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States of America. For many, both in America and worldwide, this was a shocking and unexpected outcome; their preferred news sources having failed to inform them that the alternative candidate was a criminal parasite in such ill health she got chucked into the back of a van like a kidnap victim.
 
Research is ongoing, but T.U.R.D. appears to correlate closely with the following environmental and behavioral factors:
 
            Membership in the Democratic Party
 
            Identifying as a Feminist
 
            Currently enrolled in college, and/or Possession of a Liberal Arts college degree
 
            Living in a densely populated metropolitan area
 
            Massive student debt
 
            Spotty or non-existent work history
 

Patients with T.U.R.D. are very resistant to treatment, and dangerous in large groups. Any possibility of treatment requires that they be separated from their hive-mind support apparatus; they cannot begin the process of accepting reality in the presence of encouragement towards delusion and irrationality. Separation may require the assistance of law enforcement.
 
If you have a friend or loved one suffering from T.U.R.D., urge them to seek treatment. Together we can beat this scourge, and Make America Great Again!

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