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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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Displaced Texan    11,742

Displaced Texan
Posted

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

  1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
  2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

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Bighungry618    450

Bighungry618
Posted
49 minutes ago, Displaced Texan said:

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

  1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
  2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

Ok...That is freaking funny....seriously chuckled at that!!

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mustang69    505

mustang69
Posted
1 hour ago, Displaced Texan said:

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

  1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
  2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

A+  I'm still laughing at that one...

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SmittyMHS    603

SmittyMHS
Posted

Sex Advice

A woman went to the doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

“Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked. "Actually, yes I do," She answered. "Does it hurt you?" he asked. "No, I rather like it," she responded "Well, then," the doctor continued, "There’s no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.

The woman was mystified. “What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

"Of course," the doctor replied. "Where do you think people like Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Barbara Boxer, Hillary Clinton, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and Al Sharpton came from?"

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JohnnyB    4,325

JohnnyB
Posted
On 7/27/2018 at 9:35 PM, High Exposure said:

DdZAbt6.jpg

I loved this one so much that I called my wife over, who hates guns, and I tried to show her that are others who are addicted to their collections. She looked at me like a deer in headlights and just walked away!

That's okay, I said to myself. I will just continue my practice of waiting until she falls asleep to bring my new acquisitions into the house!:)

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louu    399

louu
Posted

One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his guns in the garage. 
 

His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. 
 
After a long period of silence she finally said, 
 
"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your 
time out here in your garage. 
 
You probably should also consider selling your gun collection and that reloading equipment.

Tom got a horrified look on his face. 

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" 

He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." 
 

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" 
 

Tom replied, " I wasn't

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Zeke    5,504

Zeke
Posted
2 minutes ago, louu said:

One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his guns in the garage. 
 

His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. 
 
After a long period of silence she finally said, 
 
"Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your 
time out here in your garage. 
 
You probably should also consider selling your gun collection and that reloading equipment.

Tom got a horrified look on his face. 

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" 

He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." 
 

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" 
 

Tom replied, " I wasn't

I whish I was Tom

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