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Maksim

Daily humor thread

By Maksim, in General Discussion

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45Doll    5,873

45Doll
Posted

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers? "
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit."

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Pizza Bob    1,488

Pizza Bob
Posted

Just wanted to thank CMJeepster for his contribution to this thread. When I saw the picture with his meme I thought, "That's not historically accurate". Living where I do (within walking distance of where this occurred) I have seen the re-enactment numerous times, supposedly in the boats of the type used. The picture caused me to do some research and I found the painting used in the meme and the story behind it. Seems we have been misled all these years ("lied to" is such a strong condemnation) and the painting in the meme is likely the more historically accurate depiction. For anybody else that's interested, here's a link...

 
Not sure that I'll ever view the re-enactment the same - LOL. Merry Christmas to all.
 
Adios,
 
Pizza Bob
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CMJeepster    2,777

CMJeepster
Posted
1 hour ago, Pizza Bob said:

Just wanted to thank CMJeepster for his contribution to this thread. When I saw the picture with his meme I thought, "That's not historically accurate". Living where I do (within walking distance of where this occurred) I have seen the re-enactment numerous times, supposedly in the boats of the type used. The picture caused me to do some research and I found the painting used in the meme and the story behind it. Seems we have been misled all these years ("lied to" is such a strong condemnation) and the painting in the meme is likely the more historically accurate depiction. For anybody else that's interested, here's a link...

 
Not sure that I'll ever view the re-enactment the same - LOL. Merry Christmas to all.
 
Adios,
 
Pizza Bob

For all the years that I’ve lived in Mercer County, I have yet to attend the event or practice run.  We almost went this year, but got distracted.

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Grapeshot    301

Grapeshot
Posted
2 hours ago, Pizza Bob said:

Just wanted to thank CMJeepster for his contribution to this thread. When I saw the picture with his meme I thought, "That's not historically accurate". Living where I do (within walking distance of where this occurred) I have seen the re-enactment numerous times, supposedly in the boats of the type used. The picture caused me to do some research and I found the painting used in the meme and the story behind it. Seems we have been misled all these years ("lied to" is such a strong condemnation) and the painting in the meme is likely the more historically accurate depiction. For anybody else that's interested, here's a link...

 
Not sure that I'll ever view the re-enactment the same - LOL. Merry Christmas to all.
 
Adios,
 
Pizza Bob

Actually, they used both Durham boats and ferries. You can't get a horse or a cannon in a Durham boat, but you can on a ferry. They used whatever they could find. 

And for those of you who can't make it, we'll be live-streaming the event on YouTube:

FYI - just up from the crossing, the town we now call New Hope used to be called "Coryell's Ferry". Guess why...

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Displaced Texan    11,731

Displaced Texan
Posted

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. 

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. 

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. 

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. 

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

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Mr.Stu    1,916

Mr.Stu
Posted
On 12/23/2018 at 8:04 AM, fishnut said:

Nope that's what the British were looking for. Right before the porkrollers aka Americans kicked their ass. 

It was really a bunch or British Colonials who went to kick the asses of some other British Colonials. They didn't become Americans until later.

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Ray Ray    3,566

Ray Ray
Posted
On 12/24/2018 at 9:32 AM, Displaced Texan said:

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. 

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. 

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. 

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. 

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

I don't get it?

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10X    3,296

10X
Posted
47 minutes ago, Ray Ray said:

Okay, why?  It doesn't make any sense.  And it isn't funny.  The OP should remove it.

It’s more of a pilot joke than a gun joke.  When you fly with an FAA examiner (and you have to, to earn any type of pilot certificate), you will lose an engine.  At least once.  Same thing happens when you fly with an instructor for a flight review.  You will lose an engine.  It’s something they test you on constantly.  Even, apparently, if you are Santa

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