Daily humor thread

[Downtownv 1,777]

Can you make it with a sex toy- Woman's private parts?

[Zeke 5,504]

Just now, Downtownv said:

Can you make it with a sex toy- Woman's private parts?

Why? Just why!!!

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

Just now, Downtownv said:

Can you make it with a sex toy- Woman's private parts?

NOW we are stretching a bit....keep it simple and cheap to manufacture....then post a ‘challenge’ video..

[Downtownv 1,777]

5 minutes ago, Zeke said:

Why? Just why!!!

It will captivate all The Pajama Boys and the Snowflakes living in mommy's basement.

Finally solve their virginity problems!

[Zeke 5,504]

8 minutes ago, Downtownv said:

It will captivate all The Pajama Boys and the Snowflakes living in mommy's basement.

Finally solve their virginity problems!

[Sniper 6,372]

3 hours ago, Displaced Texan said:

Million dollar idea...

You laugh, meme meet reality. There's a new challenge going on, they've moved up from Tide pods. It's now putting a penny between the prongs on their cellphone chargers:

It's called the "outlet challenge".

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

Exactly why I posted that. 

[Handyman 5,682]

2 hours ago, Sniper said:

You laugh, meme meet reality. There's a new challenge going on, they've moved up from Tide pods. It's now putting a penny between the prongs on their cellphone chargers:

It's called the "outlet challenge".

WTF? They should call it the burn down the feckin house challenge. 

[Downtownv 1,777]

Proofreading is a Dying Art these days!

 

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't  you say?  Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter  This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.   I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.   Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says      Really? Ya think?  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers          Now that's taking things a bit far!  -----------------------------------------------------------  Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over          What a guy!    --------------------------------------------------------------- Miners Refuse to Work after Death  No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!  ------------------------------------------------------ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant   See if that works any better than a fair trial!    ---------------------------------------------------------- War Dims Hope for Peace   I can see where it might have that effect!  ----------------------------------------------------------------  If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile     Ya think?!  ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures         Who would have thought!  ---------------------------------------------------------------- Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide   They may be on to something!  ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges         You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?    ---------------------------------------------------------- Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge        He probably IS the battery charge!  ---------------------------------------------- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group   Weren't they fat enough?!  -----------------------------------------------  Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft  That's what he gets for eating those beans!   ---------------- ---------------------------------  Kids Make Nutritious Snacks          Do they taste like chicken? ****************************************    Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half          Chainsaw Massacre all over again!  *************************************************** Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors          Boy, are they tall!   *******************************************  And the winner is....   Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead           Did I read that right?

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

[Scorpio64 5,154]

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Beer.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

[Scorpio64 5,154]

[45Doll 5,877]

On 1/23/2020 at 2:16 PM, 10X said:

Cute, but it's set up for a direct short across the prongs.  I still wouldn't want to be wearing it, but we need a better engineered solution.

That's true. But if they happened to be well grounded...

[Scorpio64 5,154]

The Psychology Class Experiment

It was a practical session in the psychology class.

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor put a piece of cake on one side and a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread and ate it.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food each time.

And each time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

The professor said, "This experiment shows that food has the greatest attraction."

Then, one of the students from the back rows said, "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!"

The professor stood straight up, shook his head as he pointed at the student and said, "You get an A."

[njpilot 671]

[njpilot 671]

[Downtownv 1,777]

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

[Zeke 5,504]

17 hours ago, Displaced Texan said:

That’s sooo wong

[silverado427 10,716]

[silverado427 10,716]

[45Doll 5,877]

44 minutes ago, silverado427 said:

Submit this to Dana Perino as one of her Corny Jokes.

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

[fishnut 2,358]

1 hour ago, Displaced Texan said:

Please remind me about this in about 10 years, my daughter will be a teenager then 

[Scorpio64 5,154]

1 minute ago, fishnut said:

Please remind me about this in about 10 years, my daughter will be a teenager then 

If your daughter is wearing a bra that size when she's a teen, it's going to take more than a picture of a cross dresser with poor trigger discipline to keep the dogs at bay.

[Downtownv 1,777]

33 minutes ago, fishnut said:

Please remind me about this in about 10 years, my daughter will be a teenager then 

Nice Rack!

[fishnut 2,358]

1 hour ago, Scorpio64 said:

If your daughter is wearing a bra that size when she's a teen, it's going to take more than a picture of a cross dresser with poor trigger discipline to keep the dogs at bay.

Hopefully she takes after her mom then. My wife got the brains, her sister got the boobs. 

 

55 minutes ago, Downtownv said:

Nice Rack!

Pedo

[Zeke 5,504]

17 hours ago, Displaced Texan said:

I think it’s the walther P22

[fishnut 2,358]

 

[silverado427 10,716]