Daily humor thread

[Zeke 5,504]

35 minutes ago, Scorpio64 said:

It means he drinks a lot of beer sometimes.

Oh I get that now

[Downtownv 1,777]

[Downtownv 1,777]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[WP22 1,558]

 

[High Exposure 5,664]

[Zeke 5,504]

10 minutes ago, High Exposure said:

@Smiles31

[njJoniGuy 2,131]

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[rifleman 90]

I just have to say THANK YOU to all the funny MFs that make my day seeing these things.

[njJoniGuy 2,131]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

[High Exposure 5,664]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

If you thought a "microwave minute" is slow......

A Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At
nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in Lovers' Lane, with the
interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer
magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat,
filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the Officer walks to the car and
gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?"
The trooper asks: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the Officer says:
"And, her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails."
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car,
at night in Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says: "I'm 22, sir."
The trooper asks: "And her, what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

[PeteF 1,044]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger"...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,
this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"Listen Very Carefully!!! FOR...THE...LAST...TIME.. "BRING POSSE!"

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[45Doll 5,877]

1 hour ago, Scorpio64 said:

Now at first glance I thought that was a pig. At last... with lipstick!

[Downtownv 1,777]

[Handyman 5,682]

I used to get a pretty good buzz off that smoke. 

[Zeke 5,504]

What about lead paint chips and glue? Asking for a friend 

[Downtownv 1,777]

22 minutes ago, Zeke said:

What about lead paint chips and glue? Asking for a friend 

I don't see why not.

[Downtownv 1,777]

Another thought.

Everyone wants to wears masks, for the Corona, buy very few wore a comdom when aids was spreading like a wildfire in Australia.

Why is that?

 

[siderman 1,137]

2 hours ago, Downtownv said:

Another thought.

Everyone wants to wears masks, for the Corona, buy very few wore a comdom when aids was spreading like a wildfire in Australia.

Why is that?

 

It's all about which head is doing the thinking.

[silverado427 10,715]

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

[njpilot 671]