Daily humor thread

[MartyZ 692]

 

[fishnut 2,358]

2 hours ago, Displaced Texan said:

Should I have thrown it in the crock pot instead?? What would Betty Crockpot say? 

He would probably put fruit on it 

[Displaced Texan 11,742]

3 minutes ago, fishnut said:

He would probably put fruit on it 

Boiled ‘cat’ with fruit. 

[Downtownv 1,778]

5 minutes ago, Displaced Texan said:

Boiled ‘cat’ with fruit. 

Yes, Asian Fusion, you never heard of that?

[Handyman 5,682]

1 hour ago, Displaced Texan said:

Boiled ‘cat’ with fruit. 

Cats are ok.

Skip the bats. 

[Zeke 5,504]

[Kevin125 4,772]

5 hours ago, Handyman said:

Cats are ok.

Skip the bats. 

Depends on the gravy.  

[Scorpio64 5,154]

[Scorpio64 5,154]

[Downtownv 1,778]

[silverado427 10,717]

[CMJeepster 2,778]

On ‎3‎/‎13‎/‎2020 at 6:19 PM, Displaced Texan said:

While this isn’t a ‘joke’, it’s a humorous story on me. One that I’d better tell before Mrs Tex tells y’all at one of the shotgun shoots/bbqs and puts her spin on it. Lol
 

We are in St. Thomas, USVI....

We’ve spent the day, drinking by the pool, soaking up the sun, as you do on vacation in the tropics. 
Mrs Tex and I have been trading quips at one another all day, as we usually do. Laughing and enjoying spending time with one another. 
We go back to the room..and my sunburned, half drunken ass is changing out of my bathing suit and into street clothes to go out. We are laughing and carrying on, and as I’m standing on one foot, putting my shoes on one at a time. She tells me to be careful, cause I’m gonna fall.....I make a quip about being ‘poised as a ninja....with quick, cat like reflexes’. As I’m putting on my second shoe, I fell directly on my ass. 
 

Without missing a beat, Mrs Tex looks down at me on the floor,  and says, in a quite sarcastic tone, ‘yep....you’re a fucking ninja...’
 

Ugh...
 

[silverado427 10,717]

[Downtownv 1,778]

To all the Benny's and Shoebies that own a beach house:

[silverado427 10,717]

[fishnut 2,358]

5 hours ago, silverado427 said:

So the hotel I work at just got a delivery of TP today, 1/3 of a tractor trailer worth. The truck showed up with an armed escort! He should have been flying this flag.

[njpilot 671]

[Kevin125 4,772]

1 hour ago, fishnut said:

So the hotel I work at just got a delivery of TP today, 1/3 of a tractor trailer worth. The truck showed up with an armed escort! He should have been flying this flag.

Someone went into the back room of my wife’s store and stole all the toilet paper yesterday. Then took the 4 rolls in the bathrooms.

[WP22 1,558]

///

 

[Downtownv 1,778]

[Downtownv 1,778]

[silverado427 10,717]

[rifleman 90]

2 hours ago, Downtownv said:

Thank you for the news. I feel better already. I'm going to call and let her know it is on the way. 

[10X 3,296]

3 minutes ago, rifleman said:

Thank you for the news. I feel better already. I'm going to call and let her know it is on the way. 

This is also the appropriate method for testing pets, and any livestock you might have in your area.

Time to grab a USPS flat rate box and go looking for any cows you think might be feverish.

[Downtownv 1,778]

[CMJeepster 2,778]

18 minutes ago, Downtownv said:

We're working on not just school work, but Scout work in our house .

[fishnut 2,358]

2 hours ago, Downtownv said:

I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people who have children under the age of 18 cant even check their windshield washer fluid let alone oil or even change a flat. So they aren't going to be able to teach their kids even if they wanted to. 

[Downtownv 1,778]

[WP22 1,558]

https://m.facebook.com/GiovanniGambino74/videos/10219674605770169/

[Downtownv 1,778]