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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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45 minutes ago, W2MC said:

Hey!  What were you doing up here in MY neck of the woods?

Outdoor gathering of friends beside Shohola Creek. Nice day. Listening to the local gunfire was a bonus!

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Crazy small world....I was just NW of you in Lackawaxen today, and was riding down Route 97 on the other side of the Delaware.  Had lunch at the Greeley Inn.

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HARD WORK...

 

 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located.

 

  He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.

 

  One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO:

 

  - What do you think about the situation in the stock market?

 

  The CEO asks in turn arrogantly:

 

  - Why are you so interested in that - that topic?

 

  "I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoe shiner says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

 

  - What your name?  –Asks the CEO.

 

  - John H. Smith 

 

  The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Service Department:

 

  - Do we have a client named John H. Smith?

 

  - Certainly –answers the Customer Service Manager–, he is a highly esteemed customer.  He has a million dollars in his account.

 

  The CEO comes out, approaches the shoeshiner, and says:

 

  - Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life.  I am sure we will have something to learn from you.

 

  At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members:

 

  - We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner;  But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account.  I invited him to tell us the story of his life.  I am sure we can learn from him.

 

  Mr. Smith began his story:

 

  - I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name.  I got off the ship without a penny.  The first thing I did was change my name to Smith.  I was hungry and exhausted.  I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.  Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk.  I bought an apple.  I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business.  I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money.  I also sold them and continued in business.  When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.  I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive.  I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele.  I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny.  After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients.  I did not spend a penny on the joys of life.  I kept saving every penny.  A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

 

 

  Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a high-priced whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.

  • Haha 3

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14 hours ago, 45Doll said:

Incorrect. It's:

Joe and Ho 2020

I confess this was not my original creation. I heard it on Rush yesterday in the car but I didn't have the specifics where it came from. I was overcome laughing out loud. I just found them. A NBA reporter named Bill Baptist posted it up, and then was fired.

1884882310_JoeAndTheHoe2020.jpg.62ac87463f5a9ab4516469fbfbcda75a.jpg

Edited by 45Doll
Original image replaced for a better one.
  • Haha 1

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