Daily humor thread

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

[silverado427 10,715]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Lawnmower2021 423]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Downtownv 1,777]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

 

[45Doll 5,877]

[High Exposure 5,664]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[silverado427 10,715]

[15636215 454]

1 minute ago, silverado427 said:

does this clown even know what day it is?? Sad how low the USA has gone.

[45Doll 5,877]

For President's Day

[Scorpio64 5,153]

14 minutes ago, 45Doll said:

For President's Day

It's funny, but I cannot, you know, the thing would have been funnier.

[45Doll 5,877]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

5 hours ago, silverado427 said:

Oh hell that’s funny!! 
 

I think I might try that!!

[Scorpio64 5,153]

UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

[silverado427 10,715]

[NJ_Dude 202]

[silverado427 10,715]

57 minutes ago, NJ_Dude said:

That's a great meme.  Bravo !!

[NJ_Dude 202]

[Downtownv 1,777]

[silverado427 10,715]

26 minutes ago, Downtownv said:

LMFAO

[beachwhistle 28]

[NJ_Dude 202]

[njJoniGuy 2,131]

[NJ_Dude 202]

[Displaced Texan 11,739]

[njJoniGuy 2,131]

He's just topping off the container of "special sauce."

[45Doll 5,877]

Heard today at CPAC, among a long list of "I believe"s:

"I believe that exercise makes you look a lot better naked. I believe, so does alcohol."

"I believe that love is the answer. But I believe that everyone should have a handgun, just in case."

Senator John Kennedy

R-LA