Daily humor thread

[M1152 713]

 

wait for it..

[silverado427 10,715]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Downtownv 1,777]

Could this be true?

 

[NJ_Dude 202]

[NJ_Dude 202]

[silverado427 10,715]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Downtownv 1,777]

On 8/2/2022 at 4:34 PM, Downtownv said:

Could this be true?

 

 

[DaddyNick 408]

WTF.  Lol 

[silverado427 10,715]

[siderman 1,137]

45 minutes ago, silverado427 said:

What The Ron did today

https://theconservativetreehouse.com/blog/2022/08/04/florida-governor-ron-desantis-suspends-activist-tampa-area-state-prosecutor-who-refused-to-enforce-state-laws/

[NJ_Dude 202]

[NJ_Dude 202]

On 8/2/2022 at 4:34 PM, Downtownv said:

Could this be true?

 

 

[Downtownv 1,777]

[NJ_Dude 202]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[silverado427 10,715]

 

[Scorpio64 5,153]

[silverado427 10,715]

[Krdshrk 3,877]

https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/05/europe/scientist-space-image-chorizo-intl-scli-scn/index.html

 

[45Doll 5,877]

47 minutes ago, Krdshrk said:

https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/05/europe/scientist-space-image-chorizo-intl-scli-scn/index.html

 

And Jeffrey Epstein killed himself!

[M1152 713]

 

[silverado427 10,715]

[Scorpio64 5,153]

3v1L

[silverado427 10,715]

[Downtownv 1,777]

Thing I learned:

Subject: Undeniable Facts of Life

 

 

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it. 

 

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

 

3. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.

 

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

 

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

 

I haven't verified these on "Snopes," but they sound about right!!

 

THE 5 ANSWERS YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR (again not verified by “Snopes”)!!!

 

1. Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

 

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under’.

 

2. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

 

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear

 

3. Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

 

A: Because when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

 

4. Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

 

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

 

BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

 

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

 

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

 

Nominated as the world's best short joke:

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

 

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?”

"Not yet," she replied.

 

Have a Great Day!

Anybody out by Tices Shoal, today?

 

[Downtownv 1,777]

 

NORTH DAKOTA FARM KID.

 

Dear Ma and Pa,

 

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. 

 

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

 

 

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

 

We go on 'route marches', which the Platoon Sargent says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

 

The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

 

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

 

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

 

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

 

Your loving daughter,

Alice

[NJ_Dude 202]

On 8/5/2022 at 5:24 PM, FXDX said:

 

Well, at least no one can deny he had the balls to finish the race.