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Maksim

Daily humor thread

By Maksim, in General Discussion

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thug the bunny    0

thug the bunny
Posted

A new Army Ranger recruite is back visiting his dad on r-n-r and he's telling him about his first parachute drill.

 

He says; "I got up to the door of the plane, but I froze, so the sarge said, 'If you don't jump son, I'm gonna f*ck you up the a$$'"

 

His dad says, "So, did you jump?"

 

The recruite said, "A little, at first....."

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olderguy    0

olderguy
Posted
Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.
 
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
 
All of a sudden: POOF!!
 
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?!?!

 



Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!' Then POOF!... she
was gone!
 
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'
 
Fred yells back, 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'
 
Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred!'  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'

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rifleman    90

rifleman
Posted

Since I have to travel for work, I feel it is my civic responsibility to teach others American customs.

 

Last week, I introduced flipping the bird to India as a friendly greeting to other motorists. My Indian driver was very appreciative. I hope it catches on.

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Duppie    73

Duppie
Posted

Since I have to travel for work, I feel it is my civic responsibility to teach others American customs.

 

Last week, I introduced flipping the bird to India as a friendly greeting to other motorists. My Indian driver was very appreciative. I hope it catches on.

you did a disservice.....our South Asian friends have a difficult enough time efficiently operating a vehicle with both hands on the steering wheel.

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SgtToadette    59

SgtToadette
Posted

Sooooo I guess nobody saw that political humor isn't supposed to go in this thread.  Kind of a buzz kill.  Two on this page alone.

 

I guess when they said 'no political humor', they meant 'no political humor the group-think doesn't find funny'. At least that's the way it seems in practice.

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ogfarmer    138

ogfarmer
Posted

http://youtu.be/dCsMNurn3bQ

DISCLAIMER: The whale died from natural causes, as it entered too shallow waters and was not able to escape. It was left for two days in the water, so the intestines had started to ferment and rot. This resulted in a pressure buildup, as can be seen in this video.

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