Daily humor thread

[kenw 293]

 

Capitalization is important, too...

 

"Timmy, go help your Uncle Jack off the horse."

"Timmy, go help your uncle jack off the horse."

[hd2000fxdl 422]

Capitalization is important, too...

 

"Timmy, go help your Uncle Jack off the horse."

"Timmy, go help your uncle jack off the horse."

 

So that perfect situation finally came up to use that, huh Ken...

[kenw 293]

So that perfect situation finally came up to use that, huh Ken...

That one's been in my pocket for a little while. Glad to finally deal it out.

[Krdshrk 3,877]

That one's been in my pocket for a little while. Glad to finally deal it out.

You're Welcome!

[RubberBullets 65]

[Arbelest 29]

[hd2000fxdl 422]

IS Sex Work????

 

 

An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.

A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.

A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the Corporal who was in charge of making the coffee.

What was his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

 

The room fell silent.

God Bless the lower ranks.

[Arbelest 29]

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

 

 

Haha aint that the truth

[RubberBullets 65]

[Arbelest 29]

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.

 

By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot... to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.

 

Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.

 

Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.

 

"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

 

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.

 

"Just for that, I'm not going." ;D hahahahaa

[Rifleman1 32]

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

 

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

 

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

 

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

 

He said "Do you have any rye bread?"

 

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

 

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

 

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."

[notmetoo 41]

David Letterman's top ten reasons men prefer guns over women:

 

[RubberBullets 65]

[Arbelest 29]

[hd2000fxdl 422]

[Arbelest 29]

[Red Solo Cup 11]

[RubberBullets 65]

[Silent Service 7]

 

 

ROFL !! I gotta get a poster of this and put it in my office.

[Kaiser7 33]

ROFL !! I gotta get a poster of this and put it in my office.

 

There's another one of the same picture that says, "Quick! Grab a cactus! There's no time to explain!" That's my favorite one, I can't find it though.

[Soju 153]

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[Soju 153]

Can't speak for the other services, but the Air Force one...all true.

[BRaptor 68]

Since we're doing these:

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[RubberBullets 65]

[hd2000fxdl 422]

 

 

OMG

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[RubberBullets 65]

Where are you page 5?

 

[BlueLineFish 615]

Awesome mailbox