Longtime resident Lady Liberty, age 236 was struck by a stolen Chevy Volt last night along the interstate. The driver and passengers, illegally in the US from their native countries across the world, then dragged Ms. Liberty into the woods and brutally sodomized her before heading to the local polling place where they registered using the names of Supreme Court justices and voted without being challenged by UN poll watchers.
Authorities found them around the corner, each with a large supply of newly legalized recreational marijuana, getting high. They were taken into custody and released a short time later with a kiss on each cheek and a prepaid gift card for WaWa to handle the munchies.
Ms. Liberty is in extremely critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit, and doctors are very wary of her chances of recovery. A crowd of zombie-like citizens are already gathered at the Liberty residence, preparing to loot it of valuables when she succumbs to her injuries or the Death Panel declares her worthless and pulls the plug.
One by one, they roll over....
Rep. Pete King is the first Republican to sign on to the assault weapons ban
WASHINGTON — An assault weapons ban that Democratic leaders have been reluctant to advance despite strong support among their rank-and-file members in the House just got its first Republican backer — Long Island Rep. Pete King .
King had been the lead sponsor of a bill improving background checks when Republicans controlled the House and was already one of a handful of Republicans backing that bill now.
Some other Republicans who have not signed on but have expressed support for the ban include Florida Rep. Brian Mast, who came out in favor of a ban after the Parkland High School slaughter last year, and Ohio Rep. Mike Turner, who said he supports one after the massacre in his Dayton district.