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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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Zeke needed to cut down several trees on his property. He went to a chainsaw shop and asked about various chainsaws.

The dealer told him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but save yourself the time and aggravation and get our top-of-the-line chainsaw. It can cut a hundred cords of wood a day.”

So Zeke took the chainsaw home and began working on the trees. After cutting for several hours, he decided to quit, having only cut two cords of wood. The next morning he got up at 4 AM and cut until nightfall, but only managed to cut five cords.

Convinced it was a bad saw, Zeke went back to the dealer who sold it to him.

The dealer removed the chainsaw from its case and examined the unit. “It looks fine,” he remarked, and then proceeded to start the chainsaw.

Zeke clapped his hands over his ears and shouted, “What the hell is that noise?”

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56 minutes ago, Zabuca said:

TRUMP 2020 

255C2C94-08AD-4939-885C-EB8036F964B2.jpeg

And would be derelict if I didn't mention that drinking fish tank cleaner and mixing bleach and ammonia not only raises the herd IQ but also is also a sure cure  for the wuflu

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22 hours ago, WP22 said:

I wholly endorse this course of treatment. The herd IQ need a little bump.

To raise the herd IQ you need to get rid of people with an IQ higher than 100.

100 is the average IQ across everybody. But eliminating the smart ones the average intelligence will go down making the threshold for IQ 100 lower. Ergo more dumb people score higher in the tests.

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Stress Management   

In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 

2. Picture yourself with both your hands in the cool running water. 

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the World. 

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 

7. The water is so clear you can make out the face of the Democrat you are holding underwater. 

See, it worked. 

You're smiling. 

You feel better already.

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