Jump to content
Maksim

Daily humor thread

Recommended Posts

 

https://www.cnn.com/2021/06/10/media/jeffrey-toobin-returns-cnn/index.html

wait for it, "working at food bank" LOL

 

=====================================================

 

Parody of CNN Producer Directing the Jeffrey Toobin Interview

https://rumble.com/vifzcp-hilarious-parody-of-cnn-producer-directing-the-jeffrey-toobin-interview.html

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I read this headline on Fox News and said to myself, "I wonder what color the cat is"....Then I scrolled down the page and yep! I was right!:lol:

Cat won't stop stealing items from neighbors, woman's sign warns

 

 

 

 

E32d0ZiXMAUy4O4.jpg

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We have a large wicker basket full of cat-appropriate items. Mice, feathers, birds etc. 

The basket is tipped over as required, items are scoffed, and then distributed around the house as desired. Including placement in my slippers. While carrying said items around the house wails of pronouncement may be occasionally heard. Even with a full mouth.

Once a month we sweep the house to retrieve all the items and reload the basket. Rinse and repeat.

Our cats are indoor only. So no bail is required.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Have You Ever Danced?
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.
He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old-timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
 
 
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An assistant to Nancy Pelosi told her she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade in DC celebrating Pelosi.  Millions lined the parade route, cheering when Nancy went past.  Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air.  There were balloons everywhere. It was the biggest parade  ever seen in DC.

Nancy was very impressed and said, "That is really great!  By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"
 

Her assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."

  • Haha 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, 45Doll said:

An assistant to Nancy Pelosi told her she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade in DC celebrating Pelosi.  Millions lined the parade route, cheering when Nancy went past.  Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air.  There were balloons everywhere. It was the biggest parade  ever seen in DC.

Nancy was very impressed and said, "That is really great!  By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"
 

Her assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."

I hate parades, but THATS a parade I’ll go to!! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

https://babylonbee.com/news/half-black-man-ordered-to-pay-himself-reparations

Half-Black Man Ordered To Pay Himself Reparations
June 9th, 2021 - BabylonBee.com

article-8804-1.jpg

SAN JOSE, CA—Local half-white, half-black man Michael Preston has been ordered to pay himself reparations since half his ancestors were oppressed and half were oppressors.

 

"Wait -- what?" he said after he received a letter from Governor Gavin Newsom's office informing him he owed himself over $25,000. "Uh... OK? I guess?" He then went down to the bank and ordered a transfer to himself. He was a little short of the total amount so he made it in installments, sending himself several payments totaling the $25,000 amount he owes himself for his ancestors oppressing his other ancestors.

"We'd like to thank Mr. Preston for atoning for the guilt of his ancestors," said Governor Newsom. "Because of them, he has a unique place of privilege in life and has had a leg up on his fellow citizens, who are oppressed because of things that happened hundreds of years ago. Today, he has made that right. Well, until we ask for more reparations later. Frankly, it's never going to stop."

"We'd also like to congratulate Mr. Preston for receiving the reparations long overdue to his ancestors today," said Governor Newsom. "Because of what happened to them, he is in a unique place of oppression in life and has never been able to get ahead of his fellow citizens, who are far more privileged than him because of things that happened hundreds of years ago. Today, that wrong has been righted. Well, until we send him more reparations later. Frankly, it's never going to stop."

Preston has said he'll pay whatever to himself going forward as long as the state just leaves him alone and lets him live his life.

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.



  • olight.jpg

    Use Promo Code "NJGF10" for 10% Off Regular Items

  • Supporting Vendors

  • Latest Topics

  • Similar Content

    • By njJoniGuy
      Longtime resident Lady Liberty, age 236 was struck by a stolen Chevy Volt last night along the interstate. The driver and passengers, illegally in the US from their native countries across the world, then dragged Ms. Liberty into the woods and brutally sodomized her before heading to the local polling place where they registered using the names of Supreme Court justices and voted without being challenged by UN poll watchers.
       
      Authorities found them around the corner, each with a large supply of newly legalized recreational marijuana, getting high. They were taken into custody and released a short time later with a kiss on each cheek and a prepaid gift card for WaWa to handle the munchies.
       
      Ms. Liberty is in extremely critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit, and doctors are very wary of her chances of recovery. A crowd of zombie-like citizens are already gathered at the Liberty residence, preparing to loot it of valuables when she succumbs to her injuries or the Death Panel declares her worthless and pulls the plug.
    • By DBCooper
      These guys know how to party...
       
      http://www.liveleak....=3c6_1347955567
    • By Maksim
      Why not an offshoot...
       
      Been meaning to start thread a few days ago, after dry firing, I was trying to copy a link from youtube to chat....
       
       
      You know you play too many gun games (uspsa/idpa) when you...
      ...double tap the Control + C twice before pasting the link.
    • By njJoniGuy
      Cross posted from the nationalmatch site
      Enjoy!
       
    • By njJoniGuy
      http://www.strategyp...01123142956.asp
       
      with link to their overall humor section
      such as:
       
      and
       
       
      Enjoy!
  • Posts

    • My best shooting Garand is a FG with a VAR barrel.
    • Frankly, the DELAY that all of these new roadblocks would cause if someone was smashing through your front door is the most egregious part of this. As @45Doll alluded, it's like they actually WANT to protect the criminals breaking into people's homes even if it means that the innocent home owners die as a result (as they're scrambling to try to protect themselves and their families). That's just sick. And I say that with no hyperbole. These folks aren't proposing this bill out of ignorance. They're not doing it because they don't understand, for instance, how home invasions happen in only seconds. I used to think it was ignorance - I afforded them the benefit of the doubt. But, after years of watching stupid bill after stupid bill - all targeting the law-abiding gun owner and never targeting the criminals - I've regrettably come to the conclusion that they propose these things because they hate gun owners and what they represent, plain and simple.  So, in light of that, I hesitate to focus on this next admittedly more minor point... but I didn't see it mentioned in the ANJRPC write-ups, so I'll throw it out there. The bill is talking about "firearms" in general, so both handguns and long guns. Well, how many people can afford locked gun safes/containers that are sized for long guns?  That's why many people avail themselves of various types of locking devices - like cable locks, trigger locks and similar (including those wall-mounted locks that clamp around the trigger). Well, I'm pretty sure those would not qualify as a "safe" or a "container" which is the wording specified in the bill. So, therefore, this bill also seems to eradicate entire classes of locking devices, doesn't it? The most affordable types, too! It seems like it's clearly discriminating against a gun owner of lesser economic means. Yet another aspect of this bill that seems ridiculously punitive towards the law-abiding gun owner.  These people have lost their minds. There needs to be another lawsuit obviously.
    • I planned on purchasing 3 field grade garands from CMP. waited for 6 months. Finally received email. all field grade sold out, do you want to upgrade to service grade? More cash, but agreed. Meanwhile I had been getting rebuild parts together. Criterian barrels, 1 new 30-06 and 1 new in 308. Received garands and they are fantastic with original barrels! 1 has a 43 barrel gauges new! So, I guess the criterians will be going!  
    • To my eyes, it didn't seem to apply to that... but then I read Nappen's more detailed explanation (linked in the orig post) - he argued that it would indeed interfere with carry at your home or business!
    • @Displaced Texan I know a guy in his 80s.  Retired NYPD.  Long time instructor at Rodman's Neck. Long time varmint shooter who believed in the 22/250.  Fantastic revolversmith.  He built up a 10/22.  It impressed him more than anything else. Good luck with your build!!!
×
×
  • Create New...