Daily humor thread

[Displaced Texan 8,623]

1 hour ago, 45Doll said:

I need one of those in an Orange tabby.

Your wife will LOVE that 

[Kevin125 4,592]

I first thought this Ad posted here was a joke.  I was reading a thread related to Scotus.....and well... they look like dudes in black robes....... but then I realized these are probably current photos of the members of Kansas.

Maybe the eye patch threw me off....

[Downtownv 1,304]

4 hours ago, Kevin125 said:

I first thought this Ad posted here was a joke.  I was reading a thread related to Scotus.....and well... they look like dudes in black robes....... but then I realized these are probably current photos of the members of Kansas.

Maybe the eye patch threw me off....

Carry on, my wayward Son....

[Zabuca 143]

[silverado427 7,051]

 

[Displaced Texan 8,623]

Reboot? 

 

[njJoniGuy 1,916]

[Downtownv 1,304]

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

 
Men Are Just Happier People!    What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
 
Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier!
 
NICKNAME    ·      If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.        If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.
 
EATING OUT    ·      When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.  When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.
 
MONEY.       A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs    .        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
 
BATHROOMS    ·      A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel    .     The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
 
 ARGUMENTS   ·       A woman has the last word in any argument.    ..     Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
FUTURE    ·      A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband    .     A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
MARRIAGE    ·          A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.     A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
 
DRESSING UP    ·      A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.   ·       A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
 
NATURAL    ·        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed   ·       Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
OFFSPRING    ·      Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.   ·       A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.    A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! So, send this to the women who have a sense of humour .... and to the men who will enjoy reading

 

[15636215 299]

2 hours ago, Downtownv said:

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

 

 
Men Are Just Happier People!    What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
 
Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier!
 
NICKNAME    ·      If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.        If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.
 
EATING OUT    ·      When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.  When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.
 
MONEY.       A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs    .        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
 
BATHROOMS    ·      A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel    .     The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
 
 ARGUMENTS   ·       A woman has the last word in any argument.    ..     Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
FUTURE    ·      A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband    .     A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
MARRIAGE    ·          A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.     A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
 
DRESSING UP    ·      A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.   ·       A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
 
NATURAL    ·        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed   ·       Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
OFFSPRING    ·      Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.   ·       A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.    A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! So, send this to the women who have a sense of humour .... and to the men who will enjoy reading

 

 

 

Now that was a good read! Broughtb a smile to my face ! don't smile too often these days.

[Geno 28]

 

[Downtownv 1,304]

[Underdog 1,580]

 

[SmittyMHS 587]

[silverado427 7,051]

[15636215 299]

35 minutes ago, silverado427 said:

sick just looking at this turd!

[45Doll 3,914]

Courtesy of my email.

I was at the mall yesterday and walked into the book store. I asked if they had Trump's new book on how to deport illegal aliens.

The clerk said "Get the fuck out of here and don't come back!".

And I replied "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?".

[silverado427 7,051]

[silverado427 7,051]

[silverado427 7,051]

[NJRulz 55]

[SmittyMHS 587]

31 minutes ago, NJRulz said:

No words...

[Downtownv 1,304]

5 minutes ago, SmittyMHS said:

No words...

What are you talking about Joe loves sniffing, groping and nipple pinching young children despite the fact they are wearing Trump Gear!

[njJoniGuy 1,916]

Kids wearing Trump gear to meet pedo Joe - who said kids aren't smart??!

[Downtownv 1,304]

2 hours ago, NJRulz said:

Where's creepy Joe's right Hand!!!!!!

 

[njJoniGuy 1,916]

3 hours ago, Downtownv said:

Where's creepy Joe's right Hand!!!!!!

On the left breast of the young girl in the white USA t-shirt - where else??

As he grinds into the back of the even younger girl in the black t-shirt in front of him.

FJB

[Kevin125 4,592]

I think he is actually fondling the rear strap of her training bra.  Its why he smiling.

[silverado427 7,051]

[Tunaman 317]

Always smirking like a stoned bitch....

[silverado427 7,051]

[Downtownv 1,304]

6 hours ago, Tunaman said:

Always smirking like a stoned bitch....

Its a deep throat tickle...