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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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"You have an outstanding payment."

Thus with this Subject another bogus ripoff attempt arrives in my inbox. Fortunately trapped by my commercial spam trap. I guess I get at least one of these a week now, and I ignore most of them. But you have to give them credit. The verbiage to bypass conventional SPAM text filters, along with the 'threat' of 'exposing' my 'exciting activities' is really something to behold. I have burst out laughing at a number of them. So let me share the one that arrive in my SPAM box tonight. See if you get the same laugh out of it. Email address of course transposed to something appropriate. In the meantime I remain terrified!

P.S. If anyone wants to contribute to his Bitcoin wallet feel free. Or send an IED.

"Hello there! Unfortunately, there are some bad news for you. Around several months ago I have obtained access to your devices that you were using to browse internet. Subsequently, I have proceeded with tracking down internet activities of yours. Below, is the sequence of past events: In the past, I have bought access from hackers to numerous email accounts (today, that is a very straightforward task that can be done online). Clearly, I have effortlessly logged in to email account of yours ([email protected]). A week after that, I have managed to install Trojan virus to Operating Systems of all your devices that are used for email access. Actually, that was quite simple (because you were clicking the links in inbox emails). All smart things are quite straightforward. (>_<) The software of mine allows me to access to all controllers in your devices, such as video camera, microphone and keyboard. I have managed to download all your personal data, as well as web browsing history and photos to my servers. I can access all messengers of yours, as well as emails, social networks, contacts list and even chat history. My virus unceasingly refreshes its signatures (since it is driver-based), and hereby stays invisible for your antivirus. So, by now you should already understand the reason why I remained unnoticed until this very moment... While collecting your information, I have found out that you are also a huge fan of websites for adults. You truly enjoy checking out porn websites and watching dirty videos, while having a lot of kinky fun. I have recorded several kinky scenes of yours and montaged some videos, where you reach orgasms while passionately masturbating. If you still doubt my serious intentions, it only takes couple mouse clicks to share your videos with your friends, relatives and even colleagues. It is also not a problem for me to allow those vids for access of public as well. I truly believe, you would not want this to occur, understanding how special are the videos you love watching, (you are clearly aware of that) all that stuff can result in a real disaster for you. Let's resolve it like this: All you need is $1750 USD transfer to my account (bitcoin equivalent based on exchange rate during your transfer), and after the transaction is successful, I will proceed to delete all that kinky stuff without delay. Afterwards, we can pretend that we have never met before. In addition, I assure you that all the harmful software will be deleted from all your devices. Be sure, I keep my promises. That is quite a fair deal with a low price, bearing in mind that I have spent a lot of effort to go through your profile and traffic for a long period. If you are unaware how to buy and send bitcoins - it can be easily fixed by searching all related information online. Below is bitcoin wallet of mine: 1FhTVkgUpVyWNRG8bJkgyJipEmoEtitZwd You are given not more than 48 hours after you have opened this email (2 days to be precise). Below is the list of actions that you should not attempt doing: > Do not attempt to reply my email (the email in your inbox was created by me together with return address). > Do not attempt to call police or any other security services. Moreover, don't even think to share this with friends of yours. Once I find that out (make no doubt about it, I can do that effortlessly, bearing in mind that I have full control over all your systems) - the video of yours will become available to public immediately. > Do not attempt to search for me - there is completely no point in that. All cryptocurrency transactions remain anonymous at all times. > Do not attempt reinstalling the OS on devices of yours or get rid of them. It is meaningless too, because all your videos are already available at remote servers. Below is the list of things you don't need to be concerned about: > That I will not receive the money you transferred. - Don't you worry, I can still track it, after the transaction is successfully completed, because I still monitor all your activities (trojan virus of mine includes a remote-control option, just like TeamViewer). > That I still will make your videos available to public after your money transfer is complete. - Believe me, it is meaningless for me to keep on making your life complicated. If I indeed wanted to make it happen, it would happen long time ago! Everything will be carried out based on fairness! Before I forget...moving forward try not to get involved in this kind of situations anymore! An advice from me - regularly change all the passwords to your accounts."

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The Importance of walking

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
The Importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $6,000 per month.



My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is. 
*********************************** 
I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
 
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 
***************************************************
I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
 
This one is my personal favorite: Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', 
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
 
 
 

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A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although
his English was far from perfect, they
got along very well until one day he
rushed into a lawyer's office and
asked him if he could arrange a
divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce
would depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following
questions:
L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and a nice
little home.
L: No, I mean what is the foundation
of this case?
P: It is made of concrete.
L: I don't think you understand. Does
either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need
one.
L: I mean, what are your relations
like?
P: All my relations are still in Poland.
L: Is there any infidelity in your
marriage?
P: We have a hi-fidelity stereo and a
good DVD player.
L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I am always up before her.
L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She is going to kill me.
L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.
L: What kind of proof?
P: She is going to poison me. She
buy a bottle at drugstore and put on
shelf in
bathroom. I can read and it say:
"Polish Remover".
 
I would be leery too!
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Yeah, I know I just posted this in the Joe Biden thread...but I'm kinda proud of this one and thought I'd give it a wider audience!

 

 

93d6e6ae817a8a3e1e271217aa07670fc1-2-joe

              Let Go, Brandon!

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