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Maksim

Daily humor thread

By Maksim, in General Discussion

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45Doll    5,873

45Doll
Posted

"After losing her Wyoming congressional seat Liz Cheney modestly compared herself to Abe Lincoln. Which is true, in that the country needs her like a hole in the head."

"A recent article in The Atlantic suggests that 'radical Catholics were weaponizing rosary beads'. Claims that were disputed in the latest edition of Nuns & Ammo"

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Greg Gutfeld, Gutfeld!  8/19/2022

Note: The cover page used on his show was different.

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Bklynracer    1,263

Bklynracer
Posted

One day Johnny's parents told him that the neighbors had just brought their new baby boy home from the hospital and they were all invited to go over and see him. The parents said the child was healthy and they were just thrilled to have a son. There was one problem though. The poor little boy had been born without ears.

Johnny's parents agreed to come over the next day and Johnny's mom, knowing her son, warned him.

Now Johnny, I don't want you to say one bad thing about this new little baby or the fact he doesn't have any ears. I mean it, nothing bad or embarrassing. You can ask any question you might have but NOTHING about him not having ears. I'm sure his parents are upset enough without you saying something about it.

OK Mom, I promise.

Yeah, you have promised before and then did just the opposite. I mean it, if you say anything inappropriate about his lack of ears you are going to be in big trouble. Do you understand me?

I said OK Mom, I won't say anything about the baby not having ears.  

When they got to the house Johnny's parents made a big fuss about how adorable the little boy was. The new parents just beamed. They asked Johnny if he wanted to see the baby too. His mother just cringed thinking Johnny was going to say something right off the bat about the baby not having ears.

The conversation went like this.

Wow, he sure is cute.
Thank you Johnny, we think so too.
He has really blonde hair.
Well, I have blonde hair so I guess he got that from me.
He has strong looking legs and arms doesn't he?
Yes he does, his Dad is quite the athlete so I suppose he gets that from his father.
What a cute little button nose he has.
His Grandmother had the same little cute nose. Isn't just adorable?
They all agreed that the boys nose was adorable. Johnny's Mom was so happy that little Johnny hadn't said ANYTHING about the boy not having any ears.

How's the baby's eyesight Johnny asked.
Well, from what we can tell so far his eyesight is perfect, why do you ask?

Because if he ever needs glasses he's SCREWED!
 

 
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Bklynracer    1,263

Bklynracer
Posted

Old shooters talking

The first guy said I get up at 7 am every morning and try to pee. Meds don't seem to work. If I don't pee by 10, I cant shoot.

One of the other guys at the table said it sounds like me. But I get up at 7 and need to poop. It takes most of the morning. Cant poop, you cant shoot.

The third guy said glad I don't have those problems. I pee every morning at 6. Then poop at 7. I get up promptly  at 9.

 
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