Daily humor thread

[hd2000fxdl 422]

Incest? (Watch till the end)

 

 

I kept thinking the whole time,,, What politician was this telling the story..

[Holeshot 3]

[RubberBullets 65]

[silverado427 10,716]

http://dailycaller.com/2012/08/28/dennis-miller-slams-moron-joe-biden/

[RubberBullets 65]

[silverado427 10,716]

LMAO

[silverado427 10,716]

[silverado427 10,716]

[silverado427 10,716]

[silverado427 10,716]

[RubberBullets 65]

[Ray Ray 3,566]

Hey, looks like Clinton Eastwoods friends!

[silverado427 10,716]

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[le_boudin 2]

Firing Grenades at Somali Pirates Was the Most Fun I've Ever Had

 

 

http://www.vice.com/read/i-was-attacked-by-pirates

[le_boudin 2]

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England . He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

 

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?"

 

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

 

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

 

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

 

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

 

Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

 

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"

 

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

 

And that is precisely what's going on at the White House.

[JackDaWack 2,895]

http://www.laughload.com/csi-logicd.html

 

I just wasted a solid hour on this site.

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[johnp 45]

 

Surprisingly 2 out of those 3 vatos actually have good trigger discipline.

[H.M. Murdock 0]

Those guys usually learn things the hard way

[AS350Driver 56]

[Pizza Bob 1,488]

Bedroom Golf

 

 

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

 

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

 

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

 

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

 

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

 

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

 

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

 

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

 

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

 

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

 

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

 

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

 

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

 

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.

 

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

[tt-33 8]

do they clean my equipment after play?

[JustJoe 0]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway.

 

Nothing is moving.

 

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"

 

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are demanding a $10,000,000 ransom. If they don't get it, they will douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going car-to-car, taking up a collection."

 

"How much is everyone giving on average?", the driver asks.

 

The man replies, "About a gallon."

[Lalo 13]

ohh dear....

 

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[Red Solo Cup 11]

sorry fixed below

[dgstinner 11]

Best Judge Judy clip ( explains gibsmedat to young music scholar )

 

https://www.youtube....h?v=DL-a-r7iJIU

 

Link doesn't work for me.

[Red Solo Cup 11]

Best Judge Judy clip (second attempt)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL-a-r7iJIU

[RubberBullets 65]

I sat in traffic court once and when a guy was queried by the judge on how much he makes to assess a payment, he had answered that he made "$12 an hour under the table" The poor judge had to ask him three times until he dropped the last part off his response.