Daily humor thread

[silverado427 10,720]

I give you Brooklyn Tony:

 

Brooklyn Tony on Math

 

The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

 

 

 

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

 

 

 

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

 

 

 

Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU.  There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.  The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.  Which one is married?"

 

 

 

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

 

 

 

To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

 

 

 

"Why?" asks the father.

 

 

 

The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies TONY.

 

 

 

"But that's right!" says his dad.

 

 

 

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

 

 

 

"What's the fucking difference ?" asks the father.

 

 

 

"That's what I said!"

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

 

 

 

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

 

 

 

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."

 

 

 

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day.  All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.  He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

 

 

 

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.  The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.  Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

 

 

 

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

 

 

 

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

 

 

 

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.  She then called on little Michael.

 

 

 

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

 

 

 

She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

 

 

 

Then the teacher reluctantly called on Brooklyn Tony.

 

 

 

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!' "

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GETTING OLDER

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.  After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.  It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

 

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

+1 lol that was great.

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[Lalo 13]

[silverado427 10,720]

This made me laugh...

 

[Krdshrk 3,877]

Germany's still trying to rub it in...  Too soon?

[checko 180]

Germany's still trying to rub it in... Too soon?

Wow

[wink-_-wink 1]

Germany's still trying to rub it in...  Too soon?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Silence Dogood 468]

Did you hear that the Democrats are proposing to lower the voting age?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

To "ocho" 

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[MidwestPX 172]

Did you hear that the Democrats are proposing to lower the voting age?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

To "ocho"

I'd find that funny if I didn't see some truth in it...

[Krdshrk 3,877]

For her 8th birthday, she requested a Bow & Arrow set.... and a poster of Justin Bieber...

[ogfarmer 138]

[Lalo 13]

[silverado427 10,720]

[Krdshrk 3,877]

 

....um.. ok....

 

[magnawing 5]

 

I'll just leave this here....

[Lalo 13]

[Lalo 13]

 

 

[Lalo 13]

 

 

[silverado427 10,720]

[T Bill 649]

Hey Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Stonecoldchavez 92]

As I was driving home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington and at how my life was falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787.

 

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

[jm1827 284]

Funny...but so very true!

[wink-_-wink 1]

Since the walking dead CORAL memes are coming back, I thought I would drop this here...

 

[wink-_-wink 1]

"I did not make this, I found it in the bowels of the internets, and decided it was too awesome not to share, after a lot of searching i traced it back to user defeek on reddit //www.reddit.com/user/defeek. He has provided a template http://i.imgur.com/TxmArmh.jpg and I expanded it to 4 panels for those who were complaining it didn't have enough http://i.imgur.com/9rqEbgL.png" -Imigur (http://imgur.com/gallery/SJYEURl)

[wink-_-wink 1]

[silverado427 10,720]

I'm sure this has been around, but its funny as hell.

[Lalo 13]

[ogfarmer 138]

Ball lands in pocket of spectator off tee shot, but the real funny stuff is the closed caption, turn it on and watch video. I wonder how deaf people make heads or tails of these things some times. I went on youtube and did it with some other videos and some are hilarious and some the translation is fine.

 

 

but this ones good.

 

[WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot 358]

Good deal on ammo cans

 

http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/spo/4638954045.html

 

M19A1 METAL Ammo cans durable - $6 (Jacksonville)

 

M19A1 Metal ammo containers, durable, heavy duty rubber sealed clamp down metal lid. Great for storing anything in for truck, trunk, home, hunting, tools, great use. They are $6.00 each. I have 600+ buy all 600+ for 5.00 each. I paid half for my ex breast enlargement and yes your right she found a boyfriend I caught them in the den. This money will help me fight (non Jerry Springer style) for my 2 and half year old daughter. Serious inquiries. Thank you.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers