BD104X 1 Posted December 23, 2015 I know it's not gun related, but you guys have been a huge help before so here goes. My wife and I are divorcing after less than 3 years. It is amicable and she is willing to sign over the house since there is no equity yet. I've spoken to a few attorneys but I am getting quotes of $3000 and up to represent me. This seems ridiculous to me as this is completely uncontested. I could file myself or use one of those divorce centers except that I need the property settlement drawn up properly for the house, not to mention the fact that I don't want to escalate the situation by making my wife feel like she needs to get an attorney. I'm told a licensed mediator can do this and represent both of us. I have no problem paying someone for their work, but I don't feel I need to pay someone thousands of dollars to "protect my interests" when there is no disagreement. Any of you guys been in a similar situation or can recommend someone? I'm in Monmouth county. Thanks and happy holidays. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rob0115 1,105 Posted December 23, 2015 My brother-in-law had a similar situation and they used a mediator and was happy with the result. He felt it kept it very non-threatening and civil as well. If things are good be carful not to rock the boat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe 95 Posted December 23, 2015 $3000 is probably the retainer. You're looking at $300/hr+ for a divorce lawyer, and will def go over. Mediators aren't cheap either. My wife is a paralegal in a law office in Pequannock that has a very good divorce lawyer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JayWilling 33 Posted December 23, 2015 Sorry to hear it. I do not have a recommendation except to say that if you can do this between yourselves or use a mediator that's the way to go. Even when a couple is amiable, lawyers will make it not so. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe 95 Posted December 23, 2015 Oh and if you have any guns in the house, get them out. Go find someplace where you can store them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximus 16 Posted December 23, 2015 Sorry to hear it. I do not have a recommendation except to say that if you can do this between yourselves or use a mediator that's the way to go. Even when a couple is amiable, lawyers will make it not so.^^^^^thisBeen there done that. A lawyer will wind up being more expensive. Try the mediator route. Lawyers keep stoking the fire and dragging things out. My bill after lawyer fees, not including what it cost me in the settlement, was $35k. Every time something was agreed upon, she decided to change something. Back to the lawyer, try again, another change, and so on, and so on. Best of luck. Try to keep it as friendly and non threatening as possible. If you can get it done quick, do it. Don't let it drag. Time is money. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
T Bill 649 Posted December 23, 2015 Get those guns out of state. Her lawyer will be your problem. Once he finds out you have guns he will convince her to file a TRA for her own protection. Kiss your gun rights good bye. Do Not trust anyone to do the right thing here! They are all in it for your money! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shawnmoore81 623 Posted December 23, 2015 Get those guns out of state. Her lawyer will be your problem. Once he finds out you have guns he will convince her to file a TRA for her own protection. Kiss your gun rights good bye. Do Not trust anyone to do the right thing here! They are all in it for your money! He's 100% right, I had to get my buddy's guns from the police department Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BD104X 1 Posted December 23, 2015 All of the above is why I'm trying to NOT go the lawyer route. I would gladly pay $1000 or so to a lawyer who is a licensed mediator to write it all up, but I can't see $3000 - $5000 to create a fight where there is none. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shawnmoore81 623 Posted December 23, 2015 No fight yet, have you figured out who gets what? Because that's when it'll happen Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyDigz 1,793 Posted December 23, 2015 I sincerely hope the mediator route works for you, but you should talk to and select a full-on divorce lawyer to keep in reserve just in case. If your negotiations via mediator fall through things will get very hectic very quickly for you. Please, please listen to the others here and make arrangements NOW to get your firearms and ammunition out of state. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD2K 115 Posted December 23, 2015 Get those guns out of state. Her lawyer will be your problem. Once he finds out you have guns he will convince her to file a TRA for her own protection. Kiss your gun rights good bye. Do Not trust anyone to do the right thing here! They are all in it for your money! Unfortunately you are 100% correct. Once she files for divorce, you are her enemy...just some stranger she is suing. First move the guns then push for a mediator. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BD104X 1 Posted December 23, 2015 We have been separated over a year, she is willing to sign over the house and would only like some furniture that I couldn't care less about... That's why I'm trying to very peacefully get the paperwork done properly & filed WITHOUT escalating the situation. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gus 33 Posted December 23, 2015 Unfortunately you are 100% correct. Once she files for divorce, you are her enemy...just some stranger she is suing. First move the guns then push for a mediator. +1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barms 98 Posted December 23, 2015 I just don't see how you can do even an uncontested under $3k. If the average NJ rate is at least $250 an hour. There is the initial meeting time, the time to draw up the property settlement docs, the sending out of the docs to her. The rexeicing of docs back. The filing with the court, responsing to court docs. The actual time IN court. That's ten hours at least of his time right there. That's $2500 minimum. Both parties don't need a lawyer. Only one to do the actual docs and file and appear in court. I know you keep saying its uncontested but it still takes hours to do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silverado427 10,552 Posted December 23, 2015 That sucks. !! I wish you the best. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damjan 73 Posted December 23, 2015 I ve known many who got divorced via these guys. http://www.divorcenjny.com/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tattooo 220 Posted December 23, 2015 Been there done that....best of luck brother Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Glock guy 1,125 Posted December 24, 2015 If you can work things out between yourselves, why would you need a mediator? Can't you just use one of those generic divorce agreements (like Legal Zoom, or something like that), and hire a real estate lawyer to handle the details of the transaction? Having been through it myself, I would agree with you that the more you can keep,the lawyers out of it, the better off both of you will be, financially and otherwise. I wish you the best of luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BD104X 1 Posted December 24, 2015 All those $399 divorce websites are non-lawyers, they file the basic divorce but can't help with property settlement or with filing an accompanying motion to give my wife back her maiden name which is important to her. That is also why I'm not comfortable with Legal Zoom or the like. I have no problem with paying the going rate for writing up proper paperwork, but don't feel I need to pay for the whole package (some are talking a $3000 retainer just to start, one wanted $350.00 for a 1/2 hour consultation just to discuss my case), not to mention my previously stated fear of my wife feeling like if I have a lawyer than she should get one too. A friend of a friend who is a lawyer suggested I go this route (he is not a licensed mediator) as it would be less costly and more practical, and my wife hit the roof when she found out I was "talking to lawyers". I explained to her that I was only trying to get it handled properly and assured her I was not looking to retain a lawyer to fight her for anything. Im looking for the lawyers brain, not the fighting spirit! A mediator can work on behalf of both of us without a conflict of interest. A few people on here have private messaged me the names of some licensed mediators, I appreciate it and will give them a call next week. Thanks fellas. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barms 98 Posted December 24, 2015 Last point. She is not allowed to just walk away from the house. Is it in both your names? The mortgage company won't let her walk, even if it is just in your name, it became a joint asset after marriage. NJ laws are crazy. If house had no mortgage then property settlement decrees it's yours. But if you have a loan the mortgage company doesn't care you let her walk away. You have to refinance to get her off and at the closing she signs a release of lien waiver. This is even yet outside of the property settlement agreement. Google that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BD104X 1 Posted December 24, 2015 I already checked with the bank - I can do what's called an assumption. I have to pass a credit check by myself and we both sign off on it and I assume the mortgage and she is relieved of it without refinancing, which is good because I have a 3.375 interest rate which I do not want to lose. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zebra007 7 Posted December 29, 2015 You want to get this done as quick as possible. Don't worry if it costs an extra thousand or two. All it takes is one of her friends to stick there nose into this and screw it all up. Lawyers make more money when things get complicated. Until it is done be prepared for the worse and don't disclose anything extra that she doesn't need to know. Make sure she thinks she is 100% in the loop on everything. Tell her you can go to the lawyer together. But get it done as fast as possible. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeerSlayer 241 Posted December 29, 2015 This is where you bring your Firearms until your divorce is finalized. Not worth the risk not to. It's perfectly legit, they will be safe and sound until you're ready to go re claim them. Very well worth the money. https://firearmssupport.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handyman 5,682 Posted December 30, 2015 All it takes is one of her friends to stick there nose into this and screw it all up. Why worry about friends if you have a mother-in-law to screw things up? Best of luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AMScott 3 Posted December 30, 2015 Pay the money and cover your backside...... I just finished up 10 years of alimony ..... About $70k for the divorce and another $100k defending post judgment motions over the last 10 years all the while paying the bargain price of $742.00 per week in alimony...... That decade sucked..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lalo 13 Posted January 1, 2016 Can someone please e plain why it's so important to take the firearms out of state or sent to storage? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Stu 1,883 Posted January 1, 2016 If your soon to be ex wife turns nasty, one of the standard tactics in this state is to make a domestic violence complaint. Just being upset because you argued is sufficient grounds to have a judge sign off on a temporary restraining order which will almost always require the seizure of all your firearms. This being NJ, there is no guarantee that you will get them back - I know it's not fair, but that's the way it is. If you have had a firearm seized and not returned to you, the Brady law kicks in and you ate now a prohibited person at the federal level. Can you fight it? Sure...and win? Maybe. It's far simpler not to have any firearms seized in the first place. FSS provide a service where they take ownership as an FFL and basically promise not to sell them to anyone else so long as you pay them a storage fee. I'm hoping to get mine back soon. I'm waiting on permits. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taipan 0 Posted January 1, 2016 Last point. She is not allowed to just walk away from the house. Is it in both your names? The mortgage company won't let her walk, even if it is just in your name, it became a joint asset after marriage. NJ laws are crazy. If house had no mortgage then property settlement decrees it's yours. But if you have a loan the mortgage company doesn't care you let her walk away. You have to refinance to get her off and at the closing she signs a release of lien waiver. This is even yet outside of the property settlement agreement. Google that. Not entirely correct. The soon-to-be-X-wife is free to sign over her ownership in the home, though she will remain obligated on the mortgage. This is something that the X should discuss with a lawyer, but wouldn't be a problem for BD104X. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites