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Mrs. Peel

Spouses & Guns...

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I'm not going to call out anyone by name, but in my time on these forums I've been frankly astounded by the attitude expressed on here about your spouses that don't shoot... I see comments like: I sneak the new guns into the house when she's not there. Can you believe she had the nerve to ask how many guns I own? etc. etc. I'm not always sure how to take it... is that just guy humor? Or is that how some of you actually behave? :facepalm:

So, I'm not saying this to needle anyone (hence, no names!) - nor do I even want replies - but I just wanted to pose this question: have you really thought that through? A lot of you seem to pride yourselves on being good providers/protectors, etc... so, what happens to your spouse when you've keep her in the dark about your firearms (assets) and you're suddenly killed in a car crash? (Hey, it happens). Aside from obvious issues of providing life insurance, etc., if you have ANYTHING of decent value:

  • Will your wife have to waste valuable money on a safecracker because you didn't even give her the safe's combo?
  • If you keep them loaded in your safe, does she know that... and know how to make them safe?
  • If she needs to convert your collection into cash... will she get ripped off by some scoundrel because you haven't provided her with a decent list (with pictures and estimates of value)?
  • Does she know which ones are likely to appreciate in value (so she knows which to sell now, and which it might make sense to sell down the road)?
  • If some have been passed down through the family and you want them kept in the family (if at all possible) - does she know which ones those are?
  • Have you left her with the name/number of an FFL that you trust implicitly to handle transactions fairly? Or instructions for some other simple means of selling the ones that need to be sold?
  • If you have something illegal in the house, does she know how to discreetly get rid of it?

I know the thought of croaking before your time is an unpleasant topic, (btw, Merry Christmas, guys! ;)), but adults deal with unpleasant topics... they don't hide from them. I've been through the grieving process a few times now in my life... it can be overwhelming. If you haven't provided sound, usable information, you're adding to your (newly grieving) wife's pain by leaving her uninformed and vulnerable to being ripped off at the very time she can least likely afford it. OK, I'll say it: it seems damn irresponsible to me. Food for thought!

 

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1 minute ago, Mrs. Peel said:

So, I'm not saying this to needle anyone (hence, no names!) - nor do I even want replies - but I just wanted to pose this question: have you really thought that through? A lot of you seem to pride yourselves on being good providers/protectors, etc... so, what happens to your spouse when you've keep her in the dark about your firearms (assets) and you're suddenly killed in a car crash? (Hey, it happens). Aside from obvious issues of providing life insurance, etc., if you have ANYTHING of decent value:

OK, I'll be the first to bite, since I fit your description.

In my house, my wife has specifically said she doesn't like my hobby and wants no part of it. BUT, she respects the fact that I'm entitled to my hobbies, and she respects and allows me to do what I want with it. So, it doesn't provide any value to share with her what's in my collection. With her, she prefers "out of sight, out of mind".

4 minutes ago, Mrs. Peel said:

I know the thought of croaking before your time is an unpleasant topic, (btw, Merry Christmas, guys! ;)), but adults deal with unpleasant topics... they don't hide from them. I've been through the grieving process a few times now in my life... it can be overwhelming. If you haven't provided sound, usable information, you're adding to your (newly grieving) wife's pain by leaving her uninformed and vulnerable to being ripped off at the very time she can least likely afford it.

This is a great point, and everyone needs a plan. So, here's what I've done to eliminate all the concerns you mentioned.

First, I had both of my sons get their FID cards.

Second, I went back and made specific directions in my Will on what happens to my collection. Wifey knows if I go out in a car wreck tomorrow, she doesn't even have to be concerned with dealing with or getting rid of my firearms. That responsibility immediately passes to my sons.

8 minutes ago, Mrs. Peel said:

I see comments like: I sneak the new guns into the house when she's not there. Can you believe she had the nerve to ask how many guns I own? etc. etc. I'm not always sure how to take it... is that just guy humor?

I'll touch on that too. Some woman can really have some bad tempers and can get really emotional. I'm not sure I would want to give my wife access to my firearms if she had those type of issues. Sometimes it's better to not let her know. So, it could be humor, or it could be self-preservation... you can take it both ways.

 

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I'm in that boat, being that I don't tell my wife when I buy a new gun or new accessory. But she knows the combination of the safe, she can go into it anytime she wants. And I also have a listing of all my guns in a folder at the bottom of the safe. So if anything ever happened to me, she would have all the information she needs.

But hear is the thing, on those rare occasions that she goes into the safe to get her jewelry. Do you think she notices that there is an extra gun or 2? whether there are 10 or 11 guns, 15 or 16 guns, etc.?  Also, she has no idea about gun prices, so if I do buy a new gun for $1k and tell her it cost $400, she's none the wiser. But if god forbid something happens to me, she can look at the list at the bottom of the safe and find those prices. She just doesn't know about the list, but she can find it when I die, at the bottom of the safe.

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About 10 years ago Mrs. 45Doll (and I) resumed and escalated shooting activities at my request. She got to like it. And now she's pretty good at it. She's not as gung-ho as I am, but she's fully supportive of our involvement. 

She doesn't agree with every purchase I make. But there's no secrets in the house. She has the combination to the gun safe.

I marvel when I hear similar comments about money in marriage. When I hear them I can't help but think it's a symbol of some underlying discord.

Of course I don't believe anyone really knows what's going on inside a marriage except the two principals. Outside perceptions or analysis are not always useful.

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5 minutes ago, MartyZ said:

But hear is the thing, on those rare occasions that she goes into the safe to get her jewelry. Do you think she notices that there is an extra gun or 2? whether there are 10 or 11 guns, 15 or 16 guns, etc.? 

I prevented that from going on here. I installed a separate safe for her jewelry, this way she doesn't have to go near or in my safes.

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I do not sneak new guns in when she is not home. I admitted to waiting until she falls asleep then I sneak them in!

It's a matter of not wanting to fight with her. She did the same thing when I collected watches. "You can only wear one watch at a time" or "My $30 Timex does the same thing as your stupid Omega for a lot less money". "You can only shoot one gun at time, why do you need so many".

She has no interest in guns nor do my children. She did get her FPID card though and I have cataloged and photographed every gun I own for her. The only thing I don't have yet is an FFL that I know well enough to not take advantage of her.

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1 minute ago, Sniper said:

I prevented that from going on here. I installed a separate safe for her jewelry, this way she doesn't have to go near or in my safes.

My wife has no problem with guns, I finally got her shooting. Her issue is the money spending. If I can get guns for $10 each she would care if I filled the house with them.

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3 minutes ago, 45Doll said:

I marvel when I hear similar comments about money in marriage. When I hear them I can't help but think it's a symbol of some underlying discord.

Of course I don't believe anyone really knows what's going on inside a marriage except the two principals. Outside perceptions or analysis are not always useful.

That's a good point. My firearms is probably the only thing that is secret to here, primarily because she doesn't want to know. We have one primary bank account, share all other financial access, all legal documents, and everything else. If she came directly to me and asked to see my collection, I would readily show her, but that would probably never happen.

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3 minutes ago, MartyZ said:

Her issue is the money spending.

Ha..

We have an agreement. She doesn't question me on what I spend on guns or tools (or my dog), and I don't question her on what she spends at Kohls, Target, Amazon, the Mall, furniture, etc...  Seems to work out fine!

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My HH6 is not a gun person.

She knows I have guns, she knows where I keep them , but she has no idea of their value. She knows when I buy new ones - mostly ;)  She just doesn’t keep track of them or the stuff I put on them - optics, lights, slings, etc...

I have two friends that I trust very much. They are both colleagues, both gun guys, and both are people that I shoot with regularly.

They both have a running list of what I have including types, descriptions, and serial numbers, along with the combos to all of my security measures. A third list is kept in the family document safe so HH6 has it too. Her copy also has a reminder to contact those guys ASAP to start handling everything.

God forbid something ever happens to me, they have instructions to keep certain guns for my son, to pick one out for themselves, and to sell the rest for HH6 so she doesn’t have to worry about it. This process is also documented in my will.

Most importantly, they are charged with teaching my son to shoot, to appreciate his 2nd amendment rights, and to be a good man.

I have similar lists from them for the same reasons. 

 

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34 minutes ago, Mrs. Peel said:
  • Will your wife have to waste valuable money on a safecracker because you didn't even give her the safe's combo?
  • If you keep them loaded in your safe, does she know that... and know how to make them safe?
  • If she needs to convert your collection into cash... will she get ripped off by some scoundrel because you haven't provided her with a decent list (with pictures and estimates of value)?
  • Does she know which ones are likely to appreciate in value (so she knows which to sell now, and which it might make sense to sell down the road)?
  • If some have been passed down through the family and you want them kept in the family (if at all possible) - does she know which ones those are?
  • Have you left her with the name/number of an FFL that you trust implicitly to handle transactions fairly? Or instructions for some other simple means of selling the ones that need to be sold?
  • If you have something illegal in the house, does she know how to discreetly get rid of it?

She knows combo to safe......

Loaded guns are in quick access safes next to bed and office desk.... She does NOT know how to get into those....

If she needed to find out what they are worth, she would contact my friends and they would tell her...

No idea which ones mean anything to me..... see above

As far as FFL, I am sure she would contact Tony as GSSC.... she knows who he is....

Nothing illegal IN the house..... 

 

Wife tolerates my guns..... that is all. Being an accountant... Its more the money that I spend. But with that being said, I could come home with $1000 of GTO parts and she would be fine, but she would not be happy with a new $500 firearm.... 

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9 minutes ago, High Exposure said:

My HH6 is not a gun person.

OK, I'm heading out for the day... no access to NJGF... so I won't see your reply til later. But I gotta ask... what in the hell is an "HH6"?

Some new man-code for "wife"??  :facepalm:

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21 minutes ago, MartyZ said:

My wife has no problem with guns, I finally got her shooting. Her issue is the money spending. If I can get guns for $10 each she would care if I filled the house with them.

Same here.  My wife knows I shoot and hunt but she has no interest in participating.  She knows I bought a youth size .22 rifle for my daughter since she likes coming to the range.  But I don't let my wife see all my guns (or ammo) at once.  I don't want her to start asking questions about how much guns or crates of ammo costs.

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We've  adopted the dont ask dont tell policy in my home. I dont ask about her growing purse and shoe collection and she doesnt ask about my collections.  I only spend tip/side work money on guns and gun related items so she has no idea on the value of what I have. 

Like HE my 2 best friends who I got into guns know exactly what I have and know how to find current values. In my safe is a copy of instructions of which guns are to be held for my daughter and which are to be sold. The 3 of us all have similar agreements with each other. 

My safe is a key safe so no combo for anyone to worry about. 

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9 minutes ago, Mrs. Peel said:

OK, I'm heading out for the day... no access to NJGF... so I won't see your reply til later. But I gotta ask... what in the hell is an "HH6"?

Some new man-code for "wife"??  :facepalm:

Me neither. And HE: I still don't get it. I know what 'on your 6' means, but not this.

Is this an original?

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16 minutes ago, High Exposure said:

God forbid something ever happens to me, they have instructions to keep certain guns for my son, to pick one out for themselves, and to sell the rest for HH6 so she doesn’t have to worry about it.

Back on the point Mrs. Peel made about having a plan. I was thinking, this can present an obstacle with the new laws in the state.

In the past, if something happened, wifey could transfer your collection to your best shooting buddy with a simple COE. Now, with the new law, it has to be done by a FFL and a background check. This is something everyone needs to think about and plan for.

Also, the new Red Flag law in the state. If something happens where the gun owner has a temporary "mental breakdown" or serious argument, they can open themselves up to a "visit" by LEO regarding the Red Flag law. Everyone should consider "Plan B" if they think that might happen to you.

Also, for the guys who don't share with their wives their collection, do you have alternative plans in case something happens to you short of dying, like a major disability, getting hurt at work, and can't use/access your collection. Is there someone available (like a family member) who can step in?

 

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Mrs Tex isn’t much of a shooter,  but she knows what I own, has the combo to the safe, and while she may not know what things cost, she fully supports my firearms ownership. She doesn’t even roll her eyes when I bring new firearms, ammo, or gear home. 

I joke quite a bit about ‘dropping the zero’ off the price, ($1200 to $120, for example, lol), but in all honesty, I don’t hide anything from her. If she asks, I’ll tell her...just like she does to me about her purses/boots/shoes/girly shit. 

She knows how to use much of what’s in my safe, and keeps a pistol handy when I’m traveling for business. She’s actually cleared the house a few times when she’s heard the ‘bump in the night’, and tells me she’s glad we have firearms around for protection. 

 

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Great post Peel.

In my case I have written a Word document for my wife with approx seven pages of information and directions on what to do in the event I meet my demise.  It is aptly named "IN_CASE_OF_DEATH_README_FIRST".  The document is kept in a safe(non-firearm) with our wills and she knows how to access it.  So does one of our sons in case she pre-deceases me.  (I update it periodically to keep it current.) 

The document spans the whole gamut of things she/he will need to know, including but not limited to:

  • What critical things to focus on immediately (e.g. make sure real estate taxes are up to date, homeowners insurance in force, etc.)
  • The password to the encrypted database which contains ALL the hundreds of passwords we ever have used or currently use.  This item is critical.  I.e. I like to call it the "Keys to the Kingdom".
  • A list of all bank accounts, balances, and life insurance policies.
  • What bank account to use to pay bills and how (e.g. using online bill pay.)
  • Info on any United States Savings Bonds, both paper as well as those that are held electronically at the Treasury Department.
  • A list of re-occuring charges that automatically hit our credit card(s).
  • Combinations to all safes, including firearms.
  • List of all re-occuring household bills.
  • Our email accounts and the importance of monitoring our inboxes for incoming bills, important notices, etc.
  • Directives to NOT cancel or discard our cellphones since they are required to log into accounts that use two-factor authentication.
  • A dedicated section dealing with all aspects of the firearms and accessories that I own.  (Inventory, location, ....etc.)
    (Your post above has given me some additional ideas on things to add.)

I have more to add to the document but it is a valuable resource in it's current version.  Would be very stressful trying to figure out all of this without it.

regards

 

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Lots of great discussion here.

So Anastasia is totally fine with firearms in the house, shoots herself (although not as much with the two kiddos).  Generally, no issues about buying because we do have the trust that I would not be buying frivolous firearms and we both understand that they are assets and not an expense... shooting is... but not the guns.

Seeing me sell my AR's after Sandy also bought lots of good will knowing that can see it logically.

For many,  I think it is the $ issue rather than the gun issue and when guns are not talked about, or specifically when one party thinks it is useless... guns are easily considered an expense.

After all, do most gun owners outside the forum ever sell a gun?  I think most just keep them and not shoot them.

The question of "what if..." is a great one and why I had a post and a spreadsheet I did earlier for gun planning... a PDF you can fill out with inventory of guns, along with your disposition wishes (sell, gift, keep) and whom should be contacted along with latest value. 

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16 minutes ago, Sniper said:

Back on the point Mrs. Peel made about having a plan. I was thinking, this can present an obstacle with the new laws in the state.

In the past, if something happened, wifey could transfer your collection to your best shooting buddy with a simple COE. Now, with the new law, it has to be done by a FFL and a background check. This is something everyone needs to think about and plan for.

This is true. That is why I chose people that will know and keep up with the laws so my wife does not have to worry about such things. I am also confident that they will both be eligible to receive any firearms at any time in the event if necessary.

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9 minutes ago, High Exposure said:

The term “6” is radio speak for the commander of a small unit such as a platoon, company, or troop.

OK, now I get it. For the benefit of Mrs. Peel and others who would like to know, here's military radio call signs.

And now back to our regularly scheduled topic.

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23 minutes ago, Displaced Texan said:

 she’s glad we have firearms around for protection. 

 

Mine too, she actually makes sure I'm carrying when we leave the house now. Which of course I always am lol. We had to go to a sketchy area of portland maine and while driving there she expressed how happy she was that I was carrying.

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I don't have any of these problems simply because I don't have ANY guns.  I "borrow" guns from forum members right @Zeke

So... there is nothing to hide,  but if there was,  I wouldn't hide anything.  They'd be strewn about my domicile in lightly concealed locations, you know....places she would find while cooking or cleaning.   :ninja::B:):

Besides....I don't ask her how much she spends on shoes, make up or automobiles....Ignorance is bliss.

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