Got this in my email today and though you guys would get a kick out of it , its called Ode to NJ ........ August 15

- Moved to a new home in Jersey . It's so beautiful here.

The lake to the north looks so majestic.

I can hardly wait to see it snow covered.

I'm going to love it here.

 

October 14

I Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on earth.

The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange.

Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so

graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth.

This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE.

 

November 10

Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal,

hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

 

Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent

multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will

be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November 15 -

Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

 

November 18 -

Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until they've all fallen before I rake again.

 

November 25 -

Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and today's final raking it's over for this season.

Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year.

Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

 

November 30 -

What the f--k? Where did all of those leaves come from?

A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again.

Oh well, they'll just have to wait until spring.

 

December 12 -

It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard.

We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball

fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.

What a beautiful place. I Love Jersey

 

December 14 -

More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the driveway again.

I Love it here.

 

December 19 -

More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway to get to work.

I'm exhausted from shoveling. F---ing snowplow.

 

December 22 -

More of that white sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters

all over my hands from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner

and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The a--hole.

 

December 25 -

Merry Christmas.

More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-**** who drives the snowplow.

I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f---ing ice.

 

December 27 -

More white sh-t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway

after that plow goes through every time.

F---ing gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration

is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh-t. The weatherman says to

expect another 10 inches of the sh-t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

 

December 28 -

The f---ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh-t. At this rate it won't melt 'till summer.

The plow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him

I'd already broken six of them shoveling all the sh-t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his f---ing head.

 

January 4 -

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a damned

deer that ran in front of my car.

Did about $3000 damage. F---ing beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

 

May 3 -

Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f---ing salt they put all over the roads.

 

May 10 -

Moved to The Villages in Florida .

I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of New Jersey

That's funny. Those plow MF'rs hit my mailbox all the time in PA. You know how hard it is to replace a mailbox in the dead of winter if you don't have drilling equipment? I wish I could find out a way to know when they are coming so I could run out and give them the finger. I thought about welding an I-beam truss and setting it in concrete on all sides to protect my mailbox since it is not in the ROW.

How true it all is, good one...only in Jersey.

The part about plowing in driveway happens to me every time it snows. MFERS!

 

Put your numbers on your neighbors mail box..

lol, nothing a snow blower can't fix. Good one tho! i hate the leaves more then the snow thats for sure! Oh how true is it the day after you clean the yard all the f-ckn leaves magically re-appear.

I've learned to pull the leaves out of the beds and away from the fence and just mulch the crap out of them with the lawn tractor. Do it twice each fall, getting good at it.

 

My beds get all F'd up if I leave the leaves. By the spring I can't tell what is leaves and what is plants. But that raking stuff is for the birds.

LOL. I thought the writer would finally like NJ is the spring and then get upset again at the 105°F and 90% humidity summer weather.

nice