A few Irish Jokes for Paddy's day

 

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE IRISH AND TO THOSE WHO WANT TO BE IRISH IF FOR ONLY A DAY!!!

 

 

 

 

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

 

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

 

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

 

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

 

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

 

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

 

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

 

 

 

 

Paddy was in New York .

 

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

 

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

 

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

 

 

 

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

 

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

 

'Just water,' says the priest.

 

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

 

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

 

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

 

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

 

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

 

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Lassi says "Paddy we've been married along time.

You're good lookin and I think you've slept with alotta women.

I won't be mad but I would like to know how many if any.

 

Paddy says.

 

My lovely Lass you should know I never slept with anyone but you my Darlin. All the rest I was awake.

I have a great limerick joke , but it would never post here lol . One to tell over a pint...

Haha, those are great, keep em coming

Mr. Blarney walks into a bar. Inside that bar, a horse is tied in the corner with a large jar full of $5 bills in front of it.

 

Curious, Mr. Blarney asks the bartender what the deal is with the horse and the large jar of money.

 

The bartender says, "It's a game we have going. You have to put a fiver in the jar, and if you can make the horse laugh, you can take the jar full of money."

 

Mr. Blarney walks over to the horse, whispers something in his ear and the horse erupts in laughter. The horse laughs so hard, it starts to snort and roll on the floor. Mr. Blarney picks up the jar of fives and happily walks out the door.

 

Two years later, Mr. Blarney is traveling through the same town. He walks into the bar, and there's the same horse, standing in the corner of the bar with a new jar, but this time, the jar is filled with $10 bills. Mr. Blarney approaches the bartender, and asks, "are yeh still tryin' tuh make that harse laugh?"

 

The bartender responds, "no, it's more difficult, now. You have to make the horse cry. Then, you can take the jar of $10's."

 

Mr. Blarney walks over to the horse, and after a short while, the horse is crying like a baby.

 

Mr. Blarney is headed out the door with his prize, when the bartender asks, "what on Earth did you do to that horse?!?!?"

 

Mr. Blarney explains, "two years ago, I told the harse that muh prick was bigger than his, and he laughed....Today, I showed 'im."