This is awesome on so many levels it defies description. And best of all, a firearm is involved so it is on-topic. The way I see it, the poor lady has two immediate needs:

 

1. More range time

2. A visit from Stanley Steamer

 

 

 

Gregory Matthew Bruni, Naked Intruder, Pooped And Masturbated In Tony Lands' Florida Home: Cops

 

In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face. When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.

At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:

1. Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.
   
   
2. Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
   
   
3. Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
   
   
4. Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.
   
   
5. Masturbated in the living room.
   
   
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.
   
   
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
   
   
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.
   
   

Highlighted the pertinent part for you!

 

This is awesome on so many levels it defies description. And best of all, a firearm is involved so it is on-topic. The way I see it, the poor lady has two immediate needs:

 

1. More range time

2. A visit from Stanley Steamer

 

 

 

Gregory Matthew Bruni, Naked Intruder, Pooped And Masturbated In Tony Lands' Florida Home: Cops

 

In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

 

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

 

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

 

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

 

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

 

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face. When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.

 

At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

 

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

 

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

 

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:

1. Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.
   
   
2. Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
   
   
3. Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
   
   
4. Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.
   
   
5. Masturbated in the living room.
   
   
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.
   
   
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
   
   
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.
   
   

 

 

No wonder why my wife fears carnies...

This is awesome on so many levels it defies description. And best of all, a firearm is involved so it is on-topic. The way I see it, the poor lady has two immediate needs:

 

1. More range time

2. A visit from Stanley Steamer

 

 

 

Gregory Matthew Bruni, Naked Intruder, Pooped And Masturbated In Tony Lands' Florida Home: Cops

 

In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

 

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

 

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

 

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

 

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

 

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face. When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.

 

At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

 

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

 

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

 

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:

1. Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.
   
   
2. Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
   
   
3. Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
   
   
4. Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.
   
   
5. Masturbated in the living room.
   
   
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.
   
   
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
   
   
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.
   
   

 

Highlighted the pertinent part for you!

 

 

 

No wonder why my wife fears carnies...

 

Fixed

Don't pick on the poor carnies. I'm sure there are congressmen that could make this look tame. Looks like Menendez is a contender.

Sounds like a real party at the Lands house.

Oh god, I think I popped a lung! It hurts! Make it stop!

Welcome to the zombie apocalypse!

 

Moral of the story: next time you hear a noise on the roof, stay in bed.

At least he didn't eat anyone's face.

At least he didn't eat anyone's face.

 

I heard vacuum cleaner containers can be quite filling.

So the wife shoots at the naked intruder and he responds by trying to shoot back at her with his non-lethal rounds.

 

Guys, I lived 10-15 minutes from North Fort Myers. That place is full of characters, and none of them are stable. Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for a story to make its way on to Huffington Post from there.