Hi All, I am dealing with a wife that is gun shy and she is 39 years old. Her history with guns were positive as a youth. She shot shotguns growing up in a very rural part of Maryland. She was widowed about 10 years ago when her husband was accidentally killed by his best friend. The officer, the husbands best friend was off duty and forgot about the one in the chamber. He was messing around and it "accidentally" went off and shot her husband in the head killing him. Now I have been trying to get her to go to the range but she's not having it. Every time I have my pistol out to clean it you see she gets a little weird, not like insane but a level of uneasiness. I really would like to get her to the range because I'm always working and God for bid something happens where she needs to arm herself. Any ideas or suggestions on how I should approach this. Thank You in Advance!

Maybe sit her down for a discussion about self defense and training?

I'm surprised she only gets "a little weird" when you have your pistol out. I can't think of too many associations with pistols that are more traumatic than what she went through. If she never wanted to see one again, I wouldn't give her a hard time about it.

 

That being said, you're in a unique situation that I don't think any of us have dealt with. The first thing I would do, with our without this situation, is to make sure that any PTSD has been addressed the best it can. There's no shame in seeking counseling (although our legislators are trying to fix that) so it might be good to start there. After that, I guess it's really up to her, but I wouldn't push things. Having the gun out for her to see might be a good thing, in that it can gradually desensitize her fearful response, or a bad thing, in that it just rips open old wounds.

 

One approach might be to start her on something much less threatening, like taking her out for sporting clays, before trying to reintroduce her to pistols.

 

Good luck, and I wish her the best.

In my opinion, let it go.  

 

My wife was never much for guns.  She goes to the range with me maybe once every six months, but it's just not her thing and I'm ok with tat.

 

It's not like she is openly hostile, so just let it go. 

There's an underlying issue here that needs to be resolved.  She needs to see a counselor, seriously.  Until such time as those issues are resolved, I would recommend not showing her any guns.  You risk alienating her.  Get her some help.

Tread lightly here my friend.  She has suffered a tragic and traumatic loss in her life.  Give her space and time.  I know you would like her to be able to protect herself, but she has scars and demons to deal with. She is moving forward in her life, so go with the flow, wait for her to bring up the subject. Let it go for now.  She will come around and time heals all wounds.  Good Luck

I'm of the opinion of letting it go too. It's impossible to imagine what goes through her mind when she sees your pistol. Honestly, I would clean my pistol when she's not around.

 

She'll let you know when she's ready for, it if ever.

 

Trully a sad situation.

I wouldn't feel comfortable owning a firearm or keeping it in the house if I was married to a widower who lost her husband in a firearm accident.  that's just my .02.

That is a horrible thing to happen, but she should try to get over it.  If he had been killed in a car crash would she never go in a car again?

That is a horrible thing to happen, but she should try to get over it.  If he had been killed in a car crash would she never go in a car again?

 

That's not a fair comparison to make.  Having someone die in a car accident is worlds different than having someone die in a gun accident.  Cars are a necessary, required, evil for most people to go about their daily lives.  You can not say the same thing about a firearm. =/

That is a horrible thing to happen, but she should try to get over it.  If he had been killed in a car crash would she never go in a car again?

 

A bit insensitive - and yes, I have seen and heard of people that refuse to do exactly that.  I also have seen people roam around the country from one football game to another in a bus because of their fear of airplanes.  Fear is a legitimate motivator.  Counseling can help assist people who want to try to cope.

Was not trying to be insensitive, guess you missed the part about it being a horrible thing to happen.  Still, one should not allow fear to control their lives.  This is not a raw wound, it happened 10 years ago.  As they say when you fall off a horse, the best thing to do is jump right back on.

Was not trying to be insensitive, guess you missed the part about it being a horrible thing to happen.  Still, one should not allow fear to control their lives.  This is not a raw wound, it happened 10 years ago.  As they say when you fall off a horse, the best thing to do is jump right back on.

Well you did a good job at being insensitive again! Even though it happened 10 years ago You have no idea what she feels! It may take 20 years for her to deal with it as you never get over it, you just learn how to deal with it!! Please don't even respond again!!

 

To the OP let her be and if she wants to deal with firearms the so be it, if not that fine to. Guns just don't mean anything to some people. Good Luck

Whoa. I would respect her space, I think she has earned at least that much. 

My wife has been on the fence about guns forever. The Boston bombing lockdown pushed her over the edge and she told me she was ready. I took her to the range on Sunday. It wasnt her first time there, just her first time shooting. I gave her my 9mm Shield to start because it fit her hand, one shot and it scared the hell out of her. Had that been your wife it may have done more damage than good. I say let her be, if she ever had to use it she probably would.

 

 

Cars are a necessary, required, evil for most people to go about their daily lives.  You can not say the same thing about a firearm. =/

 

Oh, you're new here...   

In my situation, I took my wife to an open outdoor range (it is not as loud as indoor ranges).

Let her watch in the car and don’t pressure her to take part.

Take some time at the range (in the car) and explain to her the range rules and watch other shooters.

First time out , don’t spend too long unless she decided to join you.

 

Good luck.

Tell her they sell shoes there.

Tell her they sell shoes there.

 

Not nearly as insensitive as you've been in the past.  Glad to see that the electrotherapy is working.

That's not a fair comparison to make.  Having someone die in a car accident is worlds different than having someone die in a gun accident.  Cars are a necessary, required, evil for most people to go about their daily lives.  You can not say the same thing about a firearm. =/

 

Not even remotely true. I know people who avoid driving for less trauma than having a loved one killed in one. The reaction to a traumatic event doesn't differ because of what is associated with it. THe goal should still be to cope regardless of how hard or easy it would be to pretend there is nothing to cope with. That being said, for the OP if the wife doesn't give you a super hard time about owning guns, it's not like it is failing to cope at all. Even without the background, there isn't necessarily going to be a shared level of enthusiasm for everything. 

Not nearly as insensitive as you've been in the past.  Glad to see that the electrotherapy is working.

It's the Adderall. They upped my dosage to 2500 mg. I'm ok now. I just itch all over sometimes and run around on all fours. Doc say's that's normal.

I appreciate the input from everybody on such a sensative issue. Well she has spoke to a therapist a few years ago and it helped but it was not about having a gun in the house it was about her loss. I will not be putting any pressure on her to come to the range with me. She already knows that I would her to be able to defend herself and she knows when I go to the range. Hopefully one day she will mention to me that she would like to go. Thanks Again

I would have to say let it go as well.

I'm in almost the same exact situation, MOM is afraid of guns because of what happened to her in the past. I tried taking her to the range but she isn't budging. So I basically gave up and just let it be. She does occasionally ask about my toys and always telling me to be careful.

That's rough. Sounds like she is coping as best she can. If you are into trap and clay shooting, you may want to re-introduce her to firearms through that route (especially since she had positive experiences in the past). But go slow. To have actual experience where an officer was not safely handling a firearm and it resulted in a fatality...jeez, how is she ever suppose to trust anyone handling a firearm around her now?!? Again, kudos to her for how far she has come. Good luck!