Handyman

I gotta get me one of them. I haven't heard a noise that good since Looney Tunes went off the air. Dude didn't even lose his cigarette.

I won't bring a knife to a gun fight, but I'm definitely bringing a frying pan. I'm warning you - if you watch this, you'll watch it at least 10 times.

Not sure this qualifies as humor, but I'll leave it here:

Is that the kind that also attaches to a shark's head?

I think @Zeke liked some kind of laser system.

Welcome! You might find yourself astonished how long it takes to get paperwork processed in NJ. It was bad when times were good. Now its really special. Good luck!

Sounds like my sex life.

I'm not giving my account numbers to anyone else until that Nigerian prince that promised me $20 million ponys up the cash.

My place? Mainly lots of scratching and farting.

I was very disappointed to discover that ACME was just a supermarket, and they didn't sell all kinds of weird mail order stuff.

Next they were gonna call in an airstrike.

He's still an ahole.

Looks like they are projecting it to come this way.

I hate to say it, but I think she took you to the cleaners.

Cool. After you get it, could you send me a small grant? Say $5 million? I'll research something if you want.

If you had a pair, you could use hairspray and a lighter.

Hit it with the foam spray and lather it up good. They can't fly through that - it forms like a mountain of shaving cream around the hive. For good measure, I'd even throw one of those bug foggers in and shut the door. Better living through chemistry.

Well if you're gonna be all prissy about it, I guess I'll launder them before I wear them next time.

Sorry bro. We never really have that much time with them, but they are good times. Worth the memories.

Just spray it, Nancy.

Always remember, Zeeker, the difference between meat and fish: if you beat your fish, it will die.

Do it right with Tannerite.