I will start it off..

 

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

 

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,

Who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

 

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you

Laugh.

 

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust

And who doesn't lie to you.

 

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed

And who likes to be with you.

 

5. It's very, very important that these four women- -

Do 'not' know each other!

That was my mistake!!!!!

My job sucks!

 

 

My life sucks!!

 

 

But my wife doesn't!!!

lol paul.

My wife loves to talk while shes having sex

 

last week she called me from the hotel room

My wife loves to have sex in the car

 

last week she had me drive

Not the mercedes.. :mrgreen:

version 1.2

 

Biker wipes out big time..

 

http://www.break.com/index/biker-wipes- ... speed.html

You SOB.

So this guy is feeling sick and he goes to the doctor.

 

The doctor does some tests and comes back into the room with the results.

 

And the guy asks "So whats wrong with me doc?"

 

Doctor says "well you have cancer" pauses a few seconds

 

And then the doctor says "you also have Alzheimer's"

 

And the patient says "well at least I don't have cancer"

You SOB.

 

Crash and burn..

Call Best buy ASAP! 1-800-429-6253! They are taking a survey and giving away 1000 $250.00 gift cards! I just got mine! It's good till christmas! Hurry while supply's last!

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

 

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

 

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

 

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

 

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

 

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

 

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years making an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Call Best buy ASAP! 1-800-429-6253!

 

So lets do a little detective work here before we pick up the phone, shall we?

 

We all know that BB isn't giving away $250 for a survey. $5 maybe.

 

So...lets figure this one out.

 

4 G H I

2 A B C

(I sense a pattern)

9 WXYZ

5 JKL

4 GHI

8 TUV

3 DEF

 

Could it be, HBW KIVE?

Maybe HAY JIVE?

How About GAK LIVE?

 

Whatever could this number be.

Call Best buy ASAP! 1-800-429-6253!

 

So lets do a little detective work here before we pick up the phone, shall we?

 

We all know that BB isn't giving away $250 for a survey. $5 maybe.

 

So...lets figure this one out.

 

4 G H I

2 A B C

(I sense a pattern)

9 WXYZ

5 JKL

4 GHI

8 TUV

3 DEF

 

Could it be, HBW KIVE?

Maybe HAY JIVE?

How About GAK LIVE?

 

Whatever could this number be.

 

So you called it?

It might not be a joke. My local Target did this a few years back on black Friday. They gave a 100 dollar gift card to take a very long survey. I did it and got one, The guy doing it said they only had 100 gift cards and after that they were just giving out water bottles and other cheap stuff, but considering its in the joke thread, I am sure its a joke.

Call Best buy ASAP! 1-800-429-6253!

 

So lets do a little detective work here before we pick up the phone, shall we?

 

We all know that BB isn't giving away $250 for a survey. $5 maybe.

 

So...lets figure this one out.

 

4 G H I

2 A B C

(I sense a pattern)

9 WXYZ

5 JKL

4 GHI

8 TUV

3 DEF

 

Could it be, HBW KIVE?

Maybe HAY JIVE?

How About GAK LIVE?

 

Whatever could this number be.

 

So you called it?

 

I'm not the one batting for the pink team here.

G

A

Y

L

I

V

E

I'm working there tonight from 11 pm till 4 in the morning, if anyone wants to chat.

G

A

Y

L

I

V

E

I'm working there tonight from 11 pm till 4 in the morning, if anyone wants to chat.

 

R they hiring? I need a new gig.

G

A

Y

L

I

V

E

I'm working there tonight from 11 pm till 4 in the morning, if anyone wants to chat.

 

R they hiring? I need a new gig.

 

Sure, call me tonight and I'll see what I can do! Or better yet, see what you can say.

everything is in tens..

everything is in tens..

 

:?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:

I'm not too concerned about swine flu, but here's my concern: 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow.....Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird.....Asian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig................ Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock .........Anybody else worried?

I'm not too concerned about swine flu, but here's my concern: 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow.....Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird.....Asian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig................ Swine flu. Next year is the year of the cock .........Anybody else worried?

 

http://socialightent.files.wordpress.co ... 117zo0.jpg

Theft on the rise.

 

Traveling Penguin

 

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

 

He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor.

 

He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

 

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town.

 

He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot.

 

He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.

 

Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

 

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

 

The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

 

"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

Nice one Bill