George was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

 

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should sim...ply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

 

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

 

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

 

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

 

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

 

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Pretty chilly in the women's department! Got a couple of disapproving looks whilst shooting this pic

 

 

Dave T

07628

Pretty chilly in the women's department! Got a couple of disapproving looks whilst shooting this pic

 

 

Dave T

07628

 

The perfect woman, nice body, knows how to dress, and she can't even nag you XD.

PANTS ON THE GROUND

 

 

A discussion today in my sociology class ended up about "gangstas" wearing the pants below their waist. Apparently it was derived from prison culture where if you were someone's property (b!tch) you were to wear your pants below your waist as a signal to other inmates. Another opinion was that it signaled other inmates you were up for some soap dropping in the shower. So next time you see a gangsta with their pants below their waist, remember this and silently chuckle as they let everyone know they are someone’s property.

 

 

 

Edit for my poor spelling

If you sagged your pants in prison it was a symbol, that you were willing to be a "receiver".

 

Can't wait to watch cops in 2020, youll see the bad guys falling on their faces

A discussion today in my sociology class ended up about "gangstas" wearing the pants below their waist. Apprently it was derived from prison culture where if you were someone's property (b!tch) you were to where your pants below your wasit as a signle to other inmates. Another opinion was that it signaled other inmates you were up for some soap dropping in the shower. So next time you see a gangsta with their pants below their waste, remember this and silently chuckle as they let everyone know they are someones property.

 

This post delivered a good chuckle

Soooo I have some spelling issues

 

Not really funny but worth posting

 

A father buys a lie detector Robot that slaps you when you lie.

 

He decides to test it out on his son at the supper table.

 

The father asks the son, "where were you last night?"

...

The son replies, "I was at the library"

 

The Robot slaps the son.

 

"OK I was at a friend's house, watching a movie" the son says!

 

"What movie?" the father says.

 

"Toy Story". The Robot slaps the son.

 

" OK it was porn" cried the son.

 

Father yells, "What? When I was your age I did not know what porn was."

 

The Robot slaps the father.

 

The mother laughs and says , "He certainly is your son."

 

The Robot slaps the mother

 

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. And is asked where he is going at this time of night.

 

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

 

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

 

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

And that's how the fight started

 

 

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

 

I said, 'Dust.'

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

 

"No," she answered.

 

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

 

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

 

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

 

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

 

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed

the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up

to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The

wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the

radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back

into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled

up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

'The weather out there is terrible.'

 

 

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?'

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from

outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the

man 'Holy Crap. That must be my husband!'

 

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the

window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and

to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and

went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

 

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

 

And that's when the fight started...

 

 

 

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for

$24.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face

cream..

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a

compliment.'

 

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

 

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

 

"Nah, she can order for herself."

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many

years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

 

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

 

And that's when the fight started.....

 

 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify

my age.

 

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and

come back later.

 

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.'

 

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and

she processed my Social Security application.

 

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.

 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

 

And that's when the fight started...

 

 

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace

expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

 

 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

seconds."

 

I bought her a bathroom scale.

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as

a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"

 

And that's how the fight started.....[/indent]

Love rage comics

 

Be a good citizen; If you see something, say something! LOL

LOL new carburator style gear heads will love this.

How appropriate

Is it normal to actually want to try out items on that list

Is it normal to actually want to try out items on that list

 

I see it as being perfectly normal..

Ok good

I want to try 1, 3, and 5. Very badly. I just might have to.

Is it normal to actually want to try out items on that list

 

I've done a few of those things, including the elevator one, before.

3,4,5 and 7 intrigue me

My friends and I did #7 in highschool we had Eye of the Tiger on our ipod and whenever we saw someone jogging we'd pull up next to them, and keep up their pace. Also did it to friends on the track team.

 

#5 would be fun if you dressed in clothes from a different generation, like dressing up in an outfit from the '50s and doing it, would really sell the joke.

Maybe NSFW

 

link broken?

How 'bout now?