1 hour ago, Zeke said:

@Handyman won the internet today.

He Deserves to win......It's not that often you find a true story that's also funny!

3 minutes ago, JohnnyB said:

He Deserves to win......It's not that often you find a true story that's also funny!

@Handyman for mod!

2 minutes ago, Zeke said:

@Handyman for mod!

Thanks Zeke, you are very kind. But alas, I'm not convinced I have the disposition.

4 minutes ago, Handyman said:

Thanks Zeke, you are very kind. But alas, I'm not convinced I have the disposition.

They're gonna name the little guy "Bacon Bits"

Zeke needed to cut down several trees on his property. He went to a chainsaw shop and asked about various chainsaws.

The dealer told him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but save yourself the time and aggravation and get our top-of-the-line chainsaw. It can cut a hundred cords of wood a day.”

So Zeke took the chainsaw home and began working on the trees. After cutting for several hours, he decided to quit, having only cut two cords of wood. The next morning he got up at 4 AM and cut until nightfall, but only managed to cut five cords.

Convinced it was a bad saw, Zeke went back to the dealer who sold it to him.

The dealer removed the chainsaw from its case and examined the unit. “It looks fine,” he remarked, and then proceeded to start the chainsaw.

Zeke clapped his hands over his ears and shouted, “What the hell is that noise?”

If all you see are roadblocks, you will never get anywhere.

///

 

 

 

TRUMP 2020 

18 minutes ago, Zabuca said:

TRUMP 2020 

I wholly endorse this course of treatment. The herd IQ need a little bump.

Replace those two spritzers with a keg of Yuengling and I'm good to go.

56 minutes ago, Zabuca said:

TRUMP 2020 

And would be derelict if I didn't mention that drinking fish tank cleaner and mixing bleach and ammonia not only raises the herd IQ but also is also a sure cure  for the wuflu

25 minutes ago, Displaced Texan said:

Depends on which friends you are talking 'bout. 

56 minutes ago, Displaced Texan said:

Dumb and Dumber

Hey - that could be Greenie's new career !

SIDING SURFER    

22 hours ago, WP22 said:

I wholly endorse this course of treatment. The herd IQ need a little bump.

To raise the herd IQ you need to get rid of people with an IQ higher than 100.

100 is the average IQ across everybody. But eliminating the smart ones the average intelligence will go down making the threshold for IQ 100 lower. Ergo more dumb people score higher in the tests.

1 hour ago, Displaced Texan said:

Think that’s bad? I’m waiting for this to catch up to us:

Grab em right in the... 

Was that the catcher or the backstop?

Stress Management   

In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 

2. Picture yourself with both your hands in the cool running water. 

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the World. 

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 

7. The water is so clear you can make out the face of the Democrat you are holding underwater. 

See, it worked. 

You're smiling. 

You feel better already.