ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... but now I’m an old man and 
I don't remember what I chose.
2 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
       Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
       Answer: Breasts don't have eyes
15. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

 

 

OK, if it happened to you, it wouldn't be funny. Nevertheless...

Woman falls headfirst into the toilet of an outhouse while trying to recover her cellphone with a dog leash - TheBlaze

And, why the British press should not involve themselves in our legal affairs.

British journalist tries to bash the US for ease of gun sales and faces merciless online mockery - TheBlaze

13 minutes ago, 45Doll said:

OK, if it happened to you, it wouldn't be funny. Nevertheless...

Woman falls headfirst into the toilet of an outhouse while trying to recover her cellphone with a dog leash - TheBlaze

And, why the British press should not involve themselves in our legal affairs.

British journalist tries to bash the US for ease of gun sales and faces merciless online mockery - TheBlaze

Someone should tell New Jersey officials that BB guns are not real guns. 

4 hours ago, silverado427 said:

Years ago it was the sign of the devil! I guess it was absolutely true!!!!

PSA is killing it.