Handyman

Sure. If you ever need a vasectomy, give me a call. And bring a bottle of iodine.

That's what happens when the botox goes too deep. The instructions say your supposed to stop when you hit the skull.

No way dude. I’ve seen a messenger bag. There’s a size requirement.

Y'all can get a man purse for under $100: https://www.lacoste.com/us/lacoste/men/leather-goods/bags/men-s-classic-petit-pique-crossover-bag/190391359150.html?rmatt=tsid:|cid:1618545740|agid:60117105006|tid:aud-553371945979:pla-556101234661|crid:308360479891|nw:g|rnd:37107849942966680|dvc:c|adp:1o5|mt:|loc:9004000&gclid=Cj0KCQiAoo7gBRDuARIsANeJKUYjKfo1Jbqet5Yk_kCnjI1aem3k_CkINHAbbpJDXMgQH2l31FgcYbsaAjNjEALw_wcB

Do you wear a dress when you are surfing over there? Or do you just stuff the goodies behind your crotch like the guy in Silence of the Lambs?

Vermon? What's that? A person from Vermont?

I didn't know there was a Salisbury steak recipe. I thought it was just a hamburger with gravy...

Given that I've never eaten any brand of "pork roll" except for Taylor Ham, it's "Taylor Ham" for me. I prefer to call mine a Hamburg Steak. Or maybe a Salisbury steak. It makes me feel all fancy like AVB.

Huh, I never knew "Dumpster" was a brand name.

Go big or go home! No sense just having a cut when you can have a laceration.

Yeah right. You cut your thumb in the garage and you yell into your wife, "Hey honey, do you know where the self-sticking bandages are?"

I'll show up for their going out of business sale, but that's about it.

What do you call this thing?

Alright Zeke, I'll meet you, but you have to come naked. So I know you are not wearing a wire.

I want to go out for drinks with Bill Cosby. Might be the most action I've had in a long time.

Fan clutch? WTF? You’re doing it wrong, it’s for looking at porn.

Taylor Ham earns you an angioplasty; SPAM gets you the full heart bypass surgery.

Happy Thanksgiving Zeke! Do you want to swing by AVB's place with me tomorrow? We can sip some port. I think he even has some Grey Poupon and Polaner All fruit.

Your people should have built boats and invaded England instead of running around bare-assed, smoking peyote. But at least we brought you fire-water.

Anyone that would send these folks a dime is galactically stupid.

A squirrel is a fine meal.

I just want to pump my own gas.

I always used to get the damage waiver. My favorite place is a Hertz truck rental place in Edison. They rent 11 foot tall trucks next to a 9 foot tall railroad overpass. Hilarity ensues. It's the local version of this: http://11foot8.com/

Enterprise won't rent to me anymore after I returned a car with a dead hooker in the trunk. That sure wasn't specified in the rental agreement.

Team Murphy gets an F- on this one. Also an F U.