Handyman

Yep, Lewis broke up one of the most memorable love scenes of all time...

Damn, you mean that was only an ad for a show? Uh oh. If they find my ex-wife, I’m going to have some explaining to do.

Hmmm... I'm out of practice for a full physical, but I could probably do a hernia test if you need one. You want internal medicine for you or family practice for the whole family?

Don't worry, the pineapple will act like a laxative and blast your system clean.

That's not necessarily the case. Perhaps counterintuitively, the great flu that occurred at the end of WWI (that some estimates say killed 100 million worldwide) preferentially killed the young and healthy, sparing the very young and the very old. The mechanism for the flu doing this was causing intense inflammation. The flu caused a person's immune system to go haywire and attack the body. Young healthy people - who had a more robust immune system - actually wound up in worse shape. There were reports of people walking onto the train under their own power to go home after work and being dead before they got to their stop. If you were an old geezer with a crappy immune system, you generally did ok. We are a very spoiled society. All of our former childhood illnesses - even chickenpox - are vanishingly rare and we have not had a serious pandemic in next to forever. There was a time when every family in America had someone or knew someone who died young from an infectious disease.

You'll never know all the stuff you have been doing wrong until you have a wife to point it all out...

What if I already have autism? What do I get? Double autism?

If it has nipples, you can milk it. I even once milked a nipple wrench. Or maybe I wrenched a nipple. I forget. I was pretty drunk.

In Zeke's situation, it's just called a Prince Al (for short).

I didn't know it was a male. I was trying to milk it.

I was thinking the same thing, except bottom lip instead of suspenders...

I got stung by a platypus once - looked just like that.

I heard that Mrs Zeke was inspired by this scene: Apparently Zeke's "safety word" is "pineapple meatloaf!"

I agree 100%. I'm not trying to apprehend anyone. If I find someone in my domicile with a weapon, they are getting shot, not apprehended. They might not be killed, but they bought a new orifice.

Works out ok for me. For my grass, the brown side is on top. Is it ok if Mr. and Mrs. Zeke keep them around to use in the boudoir?

That's why you have to shoot them while they are still a threat.

Hornets vs Shop Vac: After you're done, make sure you let your mother in law open the shop vac...

Why would the leftists be opposed to releasing this? We should all write in and say hey, Florida just published this report and we want the same transparency for NJ.

This is why I can't be around other people. I would have slapped the guy. “We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man

We should start writing legislators demanding the info.

The perp stated he wanted to kill someone, stole firearms.... and is released on a $5000 bond?

That's awesome! Potentially very expensive, but awesome!

I'd keep blasting it with spray after dusk. Sooner or later they will either leave or be dead.

Certainly there are bad doctors. And good doctors, being human, make mistakes that can have serious consequences. The sad fact remains that the vast majority of our society is irresponsible and irretrievably stupid. Most of the bad things that happen in most peoples' lives are brought on by their own action.

Because he laughed at taking his blood pressure and sugar pills, ate shit food and sat on his fat ass for 40 years and then wonders why he needs coronary bypass, for example.