Bearly Good News

[djg0770 481]

Now that's funny: Bear caught in Englewood

Wednesday, 12 May 2010 22:37

 

Wildlife officials finally caught a black bear that had been roaming around Englewood for three days. He was picked up behind the Red Ribbon Bake Shop. He was a male, around 160 pounds, and as they shot him with a tranquilizing dart, he was heard to mutter, "What's a bear gotta do to get a piece of pie around here?"

 

He was one of three bears recently reported in that neighborhood. I guess the bears have discovered Englewood. Perhaps Mahwah has grown too dull. Englewood offers so much more: The food, the shopping, the fresh running streams.

 

Seriously, bears are a big problem in North Jersey. Since 1992, the number of bears north of Route 80 and west of Route 287 has grown from 500 to 3,400. They are clearly thriving in this habitat, but they are constantly searching for food, and they are increasingly doing it in our own backyards.

They are causing property damage and are a potential threat if they come into contact with humans. A hearing this week in Trenton drew passionate supporters both for and against a bear hunt. Those opposing the hunt say there are many viable non-lethal methods that can be used to control the bears. Those in favor of the hunt say that non-lethal methods aren't enough, and we must address the growing population.

 

And all I can wonder is: How long till the bears get a lawyer?

 

A few months ago in Zurich, a fish got a lawyer. That the fish, a pike, was dead, and yet had still managed to secure an attorney, should come as a surprise to no one. The case, reported in the Wall Street Journal, revolved around the fish's suffering. It seems the angler reeling him in had taken a long time to do so, resulting in sustained torment for the fish. The lawyer lost the case. The fish was unavailable for comment: he had been eaten.

 

Animal rights are taken very seriously in Switzerland. There are very strict rules about mistreating animals of all kinds, not just dogs and cats. For instance, it is a law that yaks, a social species, have companionship. There are specific ways that you must put down a sick fish: either a sharp blow to the head or immersion in water mixed with clove oil and alcohol. Switzerland also has liberal right-to-die laws, which draw thousands of foreigners there each year to kill themselves. I wonder if the laws about putting down Grandma are as strict as the ones about putting down your fish.

 

Bears would make an excellent client for a law firm. They are cute and furry, particularly the cubs. They are simple creatures, merely wanting to eat and procreate like the rest of us. Can we deny them that right?

 

Englewood is the farthest east a bear has ever been caught in New Jersey. Officials think that these three bears were just following the waterways and got lost. I disagree. These are Jersey bears, after all, and they're wising up. They're looking for some representation. They're taking meetings, and before you know it they'll announce their choice. "This lawyer was too young, and this lawyer was too expensive, but this one was juuuust right."

 

http://www.newjerseynewsroom.com/style/ ... -englewood

[Old School 611]

Juvenile delinquency is rampant in my neighborhood

[Malsua 1,422]

You should have seen the Bear last weekend...That big one again. I took a bunch of pictures....without the media card in the camera. sigh.

[GoNRA 12]

we had a bear in the backyard here in Howell. we took pics of it, but I don't know where I put them