johngo1 0 Posted July 6, 2012 Not sure if my daughter would find it amusing when she starts dating many many years from now. :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLineFish 615 Posted July 6, 2012 I agree completely Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJdiverTony 27 Posted July 6, 2012 Ooooh, I like that! I have a 4 yr old girl... so I'm already dreading the day she starts talking about boys.... Ughhh! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rifleman1 32 Posted July 6, 2012 This worked for me... Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy): Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. But, before you even think of dating my daughter, you'll have to fill out the Application for Permission to Date My Daughter, below. Application for Permission to Date My Daughter APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: ______________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? (IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________ mother? _____________ pastor? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) _______________________________ ________________________________ Mother's Signature Father's Signature _______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back) Author Unknown. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keithco88 3 Posted July 6, 2012 greatest thread ever! I've got an 18 month old and I got my FID and first gun 24 months ago...coincidence? Anybody know where we can get those shirts? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rifleman1 32 Posted July 6, 2012 greatest thread ever! I've got an 18 month old and I got my FID and first gun 24 months ago...coincidence? Anybody know where we can get those shirts? www.cafepress.com www.zazzle.com www.amazon.com www.roadkilltshirts.com www.patriotdepot.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Recon Racoon 49 Posted July 6, 2012 greatest thread ever! I've got an 18 month old and I got my FID and first gun 24 months ago...coincidence? Anybody know where we can get those shirts? Check any local stores that cater exclusively to clothing, Store near me just had them on sale for under 15 dollars. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLineFish 615 Posted July 6, 2012 My daughter is 11 months old and i am preparing already. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
notmetoo 41 Posted July 6, 2012 My daughter's 22. The process the shirt recommends didn't work Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johngo1 0 Posted July 6, 2012 greatest thread ever! I've got an 18 month old and I got my FID and first gun 24 months ago...coincidence? Anybody know where we can get those shirts? I actually did not like the ones that were pre-made and designed my own. The front says DADD and has an AR15 bolt logo. I made it at http://www.customink.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clintoon Eastwood 2 Posted July 6, 2012 Funny stuff gentlemen, I don't think I will ever want to have a child. Hahaha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hd2000fxdl 422 Posted July 6, 2012 I like it.. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adam 6 Posted July 6, 2012 One daughter and one on the way. I'm a firm believer in; Its theirs to give away. Hopefully, through my wife and I raising them properly they will know the correct time and place to give it. I've seen firsthand what the whole "threatening father" routine does. Its gotten me plenty of fun back in my younger/single days for the whole "Ill show him" factor. Hopefully the best lesson I can teach them is to not disappoint my wife and I and they will do their best not too. However, lay a hand on either one in anger and there will be no where in this world, one would be safe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJSigfan 218 Posted July 7, 2012 This is a great thread. I have a 4 yr daughter and already quietly "preparing" for the day dating begins. Right now I have 2 hand guns and 11 yrs to amass a few more. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy 44 Posted July 7, 2012 Know your future enemy. He is 4 now. He make look cute now , he may play in the dirt and look innocent But even when they are one , they are slick , and they try stuff when the adult's backs are turned And teach your daughter young! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites