How to deal with a PITA family member?

[magnawing 5]

I need some opinions/advice from others who may have dealt with situations similar to mine...I'll try to keep it short but no promises.

 

The basics...My Dad passed away ~4 years ago leaving behind 40+ guns, mostly rifles & shotguns.  There was no will so, by default, they became my Stepmother's guns.  She gave them to my half-brother (My father's and her son).  Last fall my brother got a DUI (weed, not booze) and was given 2 years probation.  Under MD's probation guidelines, he is not allowed to possess firearms or even have them in the house (he still lives with mommy @ 37 years old).  The guns are now at his Uncle's house (my Stepmom's brother).  I visited this past weekend and asked if I could have one of his 12 gauges and either his .243 or 7mm Mag.  My brother's very quick and short response was "NO!".  When I asked why, he replied that "Dad told me not to get rid of any of his guns."  He can't even touch them for another 18 months!!!!!   I appealed to my Stepmom (his Mother)and her stance was "Well, Dad did tell him not to get rid of them"

 

 I don't really care if I piss off my brother but I don't want to ruin my kids' relationship with their grandmother.   I'm pretty sure my father did NOT mean "Don't share them with your brother".  I can go buy guns to hunt with but this would give me a chance to hunt with my father again....I'm really starting to dislike that little prick more than ever.  It's not like I'm asking for all, or even half, of them...I want two.  I know if I take him to court, I could get them all based on his current probationary status but I don't want to go that route out of respect for my father's memory.

 

Any ideas or suggestions?

[tj462nj 32]

first of all, she was breaking the law by giving them to your brother if he did not have a FID card

[EWC88 24]

I would try and tell him and your stepmom that your not taking the guns to sell. Your wanting the guns as a memory of your father, and that these guns will be used for hunting so it'll be as if your father was right with you hunting.

 

If all else fails you could just mention the court issue and say you can do it that way and you'll end up with all guns. But then they may try to transfer them to your stepmoms brother who then can say "screw you" to you on ever seeing them.

 

Tough position.

[JackDaWack 2,895]

My post was deleted..

 

If your step-mom inherited them... its a tough case... she can legally do what she wants with them... I'm not sure what the argument would be.. just something to think about.

 

That's pretty messed up she would give them ALL to your half-brother.. was there a reason for that?

[magnawing 5]

The FID isn't an issue. They're in MD, not NJ. And,4 years ago, he wasn't on probation and could own them.

 

I tried explaining the concept that I wanted them for hunting and would never sell but that fell on dead ears too. I may end up going the legal route if push comes to shove.

[JackDaWack 2,895]

first of all, she was breaking the law by giving them to your brother if he did not have a FID card

 Sounds like they are in Maryland.

[Sota 1,191]

if you do decide to go legal, don't tell anyone. just do it.

[brocglock23 4]

I would say go legal and make your father proud. If everything was good between you and your father at the time of his passing then I'd imagine he would like you to have some of his guns. Do it now before it is too late.

 

 

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[JT Custom Guns 957]

I would just politely explain to Mom that you only want one of Dad's guns as a rememberence

and you will not get rid of it.

Throughly explain that you will give the family the option of taking it back in any future event that 

no longer want it and hope they buy into it.............

[n4p226r 105]

you say your kids have a relationship with their grandmother?  if so, stop bringing the kids around.  if she wants to see them, she'll give you anything you want.  grandparents are easy like that.  

[magnawing 5]

We don't visit often and she has 5 other grandchildren and 3 great grands...but my kids really care about her.  Personally, she's never been one of my favorite people but I've tried to keep that to myself.

[glockncolts 50]

If your dad wanted you to have half of them he would of done so. Go buy your own and do a will and leave them to whom you want them to go to. Stirring up family shit is never the way to go.

[magnawing 5]

for the last two years of his life, my father spent every bit of energy he had trying to breathe...he wasn't able to make a will and nobody pushed the issue (I live 4 hours away and when I visited, my intent was to spend quality time with him, not remind him that he was dying).  My parent's divorced in 1970 and he married my Stepmom in 1973.  I grew up with my Mom and visited Dad on weekends...went hunting with him every time I was there during hunting season from the time I was 8 years old...when he died, there was no funeral, no closure.  I have nothing that belonged to my Father except memories...sure, I can go buy my own guns with no problem...that's not the issue.

[seamusSU 0]

...went hunting with him every time I was there during hunting season from the time I was 8 years old...when he died, there was no funeral, no closure.  I have nothing that belonged to my Father except memories...sure, I can go buy my own guns with no problem...that's not the issue.

If explaining that to them didn't convince them to release some of them to you then it seems the only option is the legal approach. If there are specific guns that you can relate to a specific story, try that first, it may be enough to melt the ice.

[EWC88 24]

As someone else stated, if going legal, tell no one that way its a fast deal. Also ask lawyer when discussing it if they receive paperwork for court, what if they instantly transfer guns to someone else.

 

I'm right there with you, I have a stepmom who I honestly don't care about. Your kids show they have a huge heart for caring for her, which is great for your kids.

[Babyface Finster 45]

Sorry for your situation. Your step brother is a selfish dick and your step mother is naturally going to side with her blood. That's life.

 

If you're dad did not make a will, there's not a thing you can do about it. What legal route would you take to get the guns? Diming him out to his probation officer? Yeah, I'm sure he would give them to you after that instead of selling them or just transferring to the uncle until he is legally able to transfer them back.

 

I understand the sentimental attachment, but I would advise you to either let it go and move on or offer to buy the guns. Some cash might suddenly make him forget about your day's dying request.

 

You don't say much about the relationships involved. Is it possible that he wanted your step brother to have the guns?

 

My dad has told me on several occasions that he wants me to have certain things when he dies. His father's pocket watch for example. I told him that he needs to make a will and spell it out because I'm not going to fight with my siblings afterward with hearsay arguments. He refuses to make a will. Guess we will see how it unfolds. Hopefully not anytime soon.

[magnawing 5]

My Dad refused to admit that he was dying although he knew it as we'll as the rest of us did. He felt that making a will was saying "I'm dead, here's my stuff". I don't think he really expected my brother to be the selfish little prick that he is. Or maybe he was hoping that would change after He was gone. (It obviously didn't). The more I think about it, the more I'm considering just cutting the ties and moving on without them.

[rightisright 3]

IANAL, but I don't believe you have a legal leg to stand on if there was no will.  I'd stick with the "nice route".  Tell her stories about you and your dad hunting.  Work softly.

[magnawing 5]

I checked MD intestacy law and, actually, I should get 1/3 of them as should my older sister and the little prick. My stepmom is entitled to $15,000 + 1/2 the cash value of his assets and the house alone covers that.

[AverageJoe 95]

Sucks to be in this type situation. Wills and Living Wills are very important. If you're saying to yourself "I'm young, no need, got plenty of time" you're just being foolish. Wills/Living Wills take out any guess work and stops anyone from saying (s)he would of wanted this, that or the other thing...did mine a few years back, keep a copy of my living will in the glove box. Good luck with your situation, keep us posted.

[djg0770 481]

The more I think about it, the more I'm considering just cutting the ties and moving on without them.

 

Sometimes, this is the only reasonable way to proceed.

 

At the end of the day, regardless of what they actually do to you, your memories with your dad are yours.  Do not tie your memories to a specific gun and then they (the ingrate relatives) have no power over you.  Sometimes you win simply by not losing.  It's sad but this is the way some people act.

[GRIZ 3,369]

The guns were your stepmother's to do what she wanted to with them. She gave them to your stepbrother. He had to get rid of them so he gave them to the uncle. Even if the uncle is a prohibited person I can't see how you can make any legal claim to any of them.

 

It may suck but it is what it is and unless your stepmother and/or stepbrother want you to havw one of the guns you won't.

 

Why would you think you have any legal claim to the guns?

[magnawing 5]

He is my half brother. Same father, different mother. Under MD law, without a will, the spouse is entitled to $15,000 real property plus 50% of the estate. The other 50% gets divided equally between HIS children, regardless of who the mother(s) are.

[greatgunstatenj 32]

I checked MD intestacy law and, actually, I should get 1/3 of them as should my older sister and the little prick. My stepmom is entitled to $15,000 + 1/2 the cash value of his assets and the house alone covers that.

Consult a lawyer, it's possible just a letter from the lawyer can settle this. Once they realize the law is on your side and you are entitled to much more than the firearms you asked for (unless you have already taken your portion of the estate outside of the firearms) they may be happy to acquiesce. If they understand fighting this will be expensive and they stand to lose more than just a few firearms perhaps they will have a "change of heart" lol. 

[10X 3,301]

Maybe offer to sign a 'use' agreement, stating you won't sell the guns…just want to have use of them.   Or, an option with a better chance of success might be to offer to buy the ones you most want…and hope the family connection will at least let you make a below-market price deal.  That would at least keep them in the family and with someone who will cherish them.

[Babyface Finster 45]

He is my half brother. Same father, different mother. Under MD law, without a will, the spouse is entitled to $15,000 real property plus 50% of the estate. The other 50% gets divided equally between HIS children, regardless of who the mother(s) are.

I would wonder how you could prove what he owned at the time of his death. What sort of documentation do you have?

[mipafox 438]

If all else fails you could just mention the court issue and say you can do it that way and you'll end up with all guns. But then they may try to transfer them to your stepmoms brother who then can say "screw you" to you on ever seeing them.

I don't know, that sounds a little like using criminal liability to blackmail a family member. In the spectrum of ways to look at it, that is at the other end.

[magnawing 5]

He wouldn't have purchased anything after his death so anything my brother bought afterward would be documented when purchased. MD is almost as bad as us on guns

[mipafox 438]

BTW, doesn't it seem a little strange that a guy who smokes so much pot he gets DUIs for it still lives with his mom at 37? Apparently it didn't convey upon him that "Motivational Syndrome" for which it is so highly regarded ;)

[magnawing 5]

Yea. Hard to believe, huh? He moved out for a couple of years while he was married...until his wife caught him cheating.