How to deal with a PITA family member?

[sof 0]

If the guns really mean that much to you in rememberance of your dad, and it sounds like they do, I'd sit down with the bro and stepmom and explain that to them as plainly and clearly as possible. Point out that with those many guns he'll never miss the ones you want and why those specific ones carry significance for you. Then I'd offer to pay whatever you think they are worth to you for the most important one or ones, so that you can have those rememberances. Good luck because these situations rarely bring out the best in people. 

[Babyface Finster 45]

I'm admittedly ignorant on MD gun laws, but if they are similar to NJ's there would really be little documentation on person to person long gun sales. He can just say there are no guns. It's your word against his. Are you picturing the police going to the uncle's house with a search warrant, demanding to see all the guns in the house? I think that's rather unlikely. Even if they did, what's to stop the uncle from claiming the guns are his?

 

Look, your half brother sucks and your step mom has little reason to intercede on your behalf against her own flesh and blood. If you really want a couple of these guns, I'd say your best bet is to offer this POS a good price for them. I'm not saying you should have to, but if the goal is to get the guns...it is probably better to appeal to his sense of greed than to try to intimidate him using the legal system.

[mipafox 438]

Yea. Hard to believe, huh? He moved out for a couple of years while he was married...until his wife caught him cheating.

Ugh... I wish Ya'll the best. Hope things turn around.

[magnawing 5]

I'm almost certain that his PO took inventory when he was assigned and told him how to handle temporary disposal.

[Babyface Finster 45]

I'm almost certain that his PO took inventory when he was assigned and told him how to handle temporary disposal.

I really feel for you in this situation and I'm not trying to be argumentative. I just don't understand how any of this proves that the guns belonged to your father. That's what you have to do. Identify the assets and then prove they were owned solely by your father at the time of his death. I'd hate to see you nuke this relationship with your step mom that you say is so important to your kids and not even get anything out of it. This kind of thing is ubiquitous. Family members raid the homes of the recently deceased, sometimes during the funeral. Once it's gone, it's usually gone. Ghouls make out well in the absence of a will.

 

Hiring a lawyer to fight him isn't going to be free. Wouldn't it be easier to use that money to just buy the guns you want from him? If you're on a vendetta I competely understand. I know how to hold a grudge as good as anyone.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[JaredC 6]

i would go to them again and state how you want 2 of the guns as a rememberance to your father....  be nice... explain your case...  then if its no... take them to court....  at least let them spend some dime on a lawyer if they are greedy to not share what you should of got half of.....   my 2 cents

[W2MC 1,699]

IMHO, this is a "no win" scenario for you.  Whatever way it plays-out, you are the 'bad guy', because you instigated the situation. 

I would occasionally mention it, but that's as far as I would go. 

 

Yes, it would be nice to have one or two from your father...but at what cost?

[maintenanceguy 510]

I don't know how important these guns are to you but there is no "thing" that my father has that will be important enough to ruin my kids relationships with grandparents.

 

This sucks for you.  You got the shaft and they're being unreasonable.  But being a man means doing things that we don't want to do.  I think you need to just back down and suck it up - sorry.   If you think a second conversation might make them more reasonable then go ahead and try that but if you don't think it will make any difference, I would drop it.

 

Don't feel like you've lost either.  He's 37, lives at home and has a PO.  Everybody involved, including his mother, knows you already won - at life.

[Newtonian 453]

For once, an interesting thread for which I have nothing to say.

[djg0770 481]

He is my half brother. Same father, different mother. Under MD law, without a will, the spouse is entitled to $15,000 real property plus 50% of the estate. The other 50% gets divided equally between HIS children, regardless of who the mother(s) are.

 

Yes, I would agree with your assessment within a reasonable time period after your father's death. 

 

Here at the four year point however, I would say that your claim is going to be severely diminished by the time you have let pass between the death and contesting the probate process.

 

But IANAL.

 

I guarantee you this, no matter which way this plays out, your relationship with this part of the family will never be the same again.  You will either harbor resentment, or they will hate you for bringing a lawsuit.  Good luck.

[NJSUX 2]

Good luck. That sucks for you.

[NJSUX 2]

Find the same one online and tell him you will trade him straight up. If money's not the issue for you.

[magnawing 5]

I get where everyone is coming from with offering to pay him for them or trading an equivalent gun but he made it pretty clear that those are HIS father's guns and he's not getting rid of them no matter what. I think I'll just wait for him to get a felony or violate probation (shouldn't take long...he's still smoking weed), then he CAN'T ever possess them.

 

 

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[mustang69 505]

The only thing I can add here is a suggestion to write him a letter explaining it all.  Sometimes the letter can explain things better than a face-to-face when one of the people may not want to discuss it.  Other than that you're SOL.  I've had a similar situation with my father's wife and her kids.  They are all still alive, but trying to find a legal remedy to an problem based on emotion rarely works out.  

 

I don't think there is anything besides a formal will that can bequeath specific possessions.  The lesson here, if there is one, is to make sure you have a will regardless of your age.

[mipafox 438]

The only thing I can add here is a suggestion to write him a letter explaining it all.  Sometimes the letter can explain things better than a face-to-face when one of the people may not want to discuss it.  Other than that you're SOL.  I've had a similar situation with my father's wife and her kids.  They are all still alive, but trying to find a legal remedy to an problem based on emotion rarely works out.  

 

I don't think there is anything besides a formal will that can bequeath specific possessions.  The lesson here, if there is one, is to make sure you have a will regardless of your age.

He lives with his mom at 37 and got a DUI for weed.

 

I doubt he'll ever see the letter.

 

Certainly couldn't hurt to try.

[magnawing 5]

Unfortunately, you're right. He's not even allowed to bring in the mail because she caught him trying to take something of hers...not sure what.

 

Like I said, I'll wait for his felony then split them with my sister in VA (she can have the stuff not legal in NJ)

[bry@n 195]

I'd go for broke. Eff them. Sounds like you don't care for them, feel your half brother is a loser, so why wait.

 

 

I'd tell em like it is. Either way, you'll feel better getting it off your chest and that's it. I'm not a person that gets attached to material things but I do care about my tools. I pray tat my daughter marries a guy that doesn't mind using his hands.

[mipafox 438]

 

Unfortunately, you're right. He's not even allowed to bring in the mail because she caught him trying to take something of hers...not sure what.

 

Like I said, I'll wait for his felony then split them with my sister in VA (she can have the stuff not legal in NJ)

OK, this just achieved a whole new level of Loserville. A 37 year-old that is not trusted enough to get the mail at his mom's house.

 

Yeah, I can understand wanting to get some of your father's guns, but you need to figure out a long-term plan on how you are going to deal with this situation over the coming years. Or otherwise, divest yourself of it.

[djg0770 481]

Or otherwise, divest yourself of it.

 

+1

[wink-_-wink 1]

Beat the potheads ass, take the guns you want, challenge them to come take them back cut ties from d bag step family and enjoy life.... well maybe dont do that but in theory.... do it lol. 

[brucin 923]

I would try and reason with your step brother and even try to purchase your fathers guns back but failing that If there is a litigation angle I would use it.

 

I say this because a similar thing happened in my family. My uncle and avid sportsman and collector passed away with no will and his second wife instead of giving the gun collection to my cousin (son of the 1st wife) sold them to strangers. Included in the collection were my grandfathers custom engraved browning O/U shotgun and service revolver which my grandfather had left to his oldest son, my uncle. My cousin contacted a lawyer but was told in NJ it was her property to do with as she pleased.

 

Those heirlooms are gone from my family forever. Don't let that happen to you if you can help it.

[bcarlos 1]

I know it sux but just let it go. If MD's laws surrounding property/assets are similiar to NJ's in regards to a death without a will your just going to torture yourself. Just make sure you get a will one day so your 40+ gun collection is dispersed to your approval.

[gleninjersey 2,141]

If you want to have any type of relationship with your step mother and half brother or if you want your children to have any type of relationship with their grandmother then bringing a suit / lawyering up will be the worst possible thing you could ever do.

 

I would speak with your step mother one last time and explain to her what it would mean to you if you could have the gun or few guns that you are referring to.  Offer to buy them.  If the answer is still no then it's no.  Maybe the guns mean something to your half brother?  Maybe he is just a loser that likes to tell you no?  Maybe your stepmother is a manipulative witch and knows it hurts you or likes the power she has over you..  If it's no, it's no.  

 

Don't argue, don't get loud, etc.  Just walk out, cut ties with them and never look back.  Use the money you would have probably wasted suing them, go purchase the exact same guns and start building some memories with your kids.  Even if it is just a teaching them to shoot or spending the day at the range with dad and some burgers afterwards.  Those will be your memories with your kids that nobody (your step mother your half brother, etc) can never take from you.

 

You can't let negative people drag you down.  If for whatever reason your stepbrother and / or stepmother don't want to give you the guns or let you buy them from them,  then move on.  Life is too short to waste dealing with such people.

 

Good luck.