Science jokes----

[Howard 538]

1. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

[Newtonian 453]

I heard a good one on the radio today. Female voice: "I've been teaching organic chemistry for 17 years, so I know something about calculations."

 

Haha.

 

Funny eh? My sides are splitting.

[302w 83]

Liberal arts!

[MidwestPX 172]

16 sodium atoms walk into a bar and shout, "Batman!"

[10X 3,301]

16 sodium atoms walk into a bar and shout, "Batman!"

Clever. Took me a minute to get it.

[MidwestPX 172]

Clever. Took me a minute to get it.

I didn't get my wife to say, "I do" with my looks...had to be clever and crafty!

[louu 399]

Are youze guys snowed in or something? Holy shit this thread sucks. 

[Rob0115 1,105]

NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa Batman!

[WP22 1,558]

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house.

Time passes.

After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

 

The Physicist concludes that, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist’s conclusion: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician concludes: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."

[maintenanceguy 510]

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house.

Time passes.

After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

 

The Physicist concludes that, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist’s conclusion: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician concludes: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."

 

My 9 year old is learning math like that in school - except he has to draw circles in boxes to prove that 3-1=0

[10X 3,301]

Three mathematicians are sitting in a duck blind, when a pintail flies by, presenting a challenging crossing shot.

 

The calculus professor swings through, over leads it, and shoots 5' in front of the duck.

 

The actuary fires next, but shoots 5' behind the duck.

 

The statistician jumps up and yells 'we got it!'

[10X 3,301]

I'm reminded of the dyslexic agnostic, who would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

[jm1827 284]

These are great, keep them coming!

[Shocker 151]

I think I saw this on Reddit, not here...

 

Two cats on are on a sloped roof, who falls off first?

 

The one with the lowest mew.

[Purple Patrick 638]

This thread should be called terrible dad jokes

 

this signature exceeds the 15 character capacity count

[T Bill 649]

This thread should be called terrible dad jokes

 

this signature exceeds the 15 character capacity count

[Mr.Stu 1,922]

Kid in math class says he's cold. "Go sit in the corner." says the teacher, "It's 90 degrees."

[Mr.Stu 1,922]

Hear about the pencil with an eraser on both ends? It was pointless.

[JackDaWack 2,895]

Never trust an Atom, they're always making up stuff.