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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... but now I’m an old man and 
I don't remember what I chose.
2 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
       Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
       Answer: Breasts don't have eyes
15. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!


 

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13 minutes ago, 45Doll said:

Someone should tell New Jersey officials that BB guns are not real guns. 

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