Daily humor thread

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[silverado427 10,758]

[Purple Patrick 638]

 

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[T Bill 649]

Bill and Hitlary doing the nasty, IS JUST NASTY.  No wonder he's a letch after waking up to her face.

[silverado427 10,758]

[Krdshrk 3,878]

This commercial is hilarious..

 

[Cereza 106]

This commercial is hilarious..

 

 

The Fiber Fix ad is from the same guys that brought the world the Rainbow Pooping Unicorn:

 

 

Marketing—they're doing it right.

[robot_hell 72]

[silverado427 10,758]

[silverado427 10,758]

Good Dog 

 

http://thechive.com/2016/08/21/kid-hits-a-dinger-dog-makes-a-better-play-video/

[silverado427 10,758]

[Krdshrk 3,878]

[Cereza 106]

The Harmon Bros have another one:

 

 

"...like a two horse race, where one horse cheats and the other one eats Muslims…"

 

"It's time to vote for freakin' Batman."—www.balancedrebellion.com

 

 

 

[SmittyMHS 603]

 

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

 

1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

 

 

 

 

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

 

 

 

 

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

 

 

 

 

4. A dog's parents never visit.

 

 

 

 

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

 

 

 

 

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

 

 

 

 

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

 

 

 

 

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

 

 

 

 

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

 

 

 

 

 

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

 

 

 

 

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

 

 

 

  

 

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

 

 

 

 

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

 

 

 

And last, but not least:

 

 

 

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

 

 

To test this theory:  Lock your wife

 

and your dog in the garage for an

 

hour. Then open it and see who's

 

happy to see you!

[silverado427 10,758]

[Shawnmoore81 623]

 

 

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[InFamous 311]

From one of our own, last place anyone would look. This is amazing!

 

[CMJeepster 2,780]

From one of our own, last place anyone would look. This is amazing!

 

I hope that's in the bathroom.

[Howard 538]

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. Box seats plus airfares, accommodations etc., but he didn't realize when he bought the ticketsthat this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. 
 
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Cathedral in New York City at 5pm. Her name's Louise.

She will be the one in the white dress.

[silverado427 10,758]

[jackandjill 683]

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. Box seats plus airfares, accommodations etc., but he didn't realize when he bought the ticketsthat this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. 

 

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Cathedral in New York City at 5pm. Her name's Louise.

She will be the one in the white dress.

I was excited for a second in the hope of scoring some tickets, but then realized this is a humor thread. 

[CMJeepster 2,780]

[High Exposure 5,667]

[Krdshrk 3,878]

[SmittyMHS 603]

Best Dog Joke Ever

Hillary Clinton called Bill Clinton into her office one day and said, "Bill, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2016!"

"Great Hillary, but how?" asked Bill.

 "We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."

 So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana.  With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

 The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton?"

 "Yes we are!" said Hillary, "And what a lovely town you have here.   We were passing through and Bill suggested we stop and take in some local color."

 They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

 A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.

 For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Hillary asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

 "Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever In here with two assholes!"

[T Bill 649]

[Purple Patrick 638]

What is Hillary's favorite kind of pizza?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lil seizures

 

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