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Maksim

Daily humor thread

By Maksim, in General Discussion

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SmittyMHS    603

SmittyMHS
Posted
A Matter of Perspective 
 A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.  Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very  liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed.  Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in  school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew.  She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
 Her father listened and then asked, How is your friend Audrey doing?
She replied, Audrey is barely getting by.  All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA.  She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast.  She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even  show up for classes because she's too hung over.
Her wise father asked his daughter, Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.  That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair!  I've worked really hard for my grades!  I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work!  Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree.  She played while I worked my tail off!
 The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, Welcome to the conservative side of the  fence.
 
If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between conservative and liberal or progressive or neocon I'm all ears.
           
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SmittyMHS    603

SmittyMHS
Posted
             Are you Conservative or Liberal?
 If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
 If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
 If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his  life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
 If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
 If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
 If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.  (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
 If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it because it seems  logical.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."
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SmittyMHS    603

SmittyMHS
Posted

A "Liberal Utopia" would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only Law Enforcement has guns.

Believe it or not, such a place does indeed exist….


It's called prison.

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Handyman    5,682

Handyman
Posted
11 hours ago, Displaced Texan said:

This is quite possibly the funniest thing you will see all day. 

I don't even know what I just watched. That was surreal. It was like a Salvador Dali painting come to life.

The little guy moves pretty quick, I'll grant him that. Good thing he was in Canada. In the US, the Americans with Diasabilites Act would have given him the same right to have his ass kicked as everyone else. 

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