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Maksim

Daily humor thread

By Maksim, in General Discussion

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Howard    538

Howard
Posted

Where's Belle?

 

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"  Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."  "What's that mean?" asked the child.  "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?  I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."  Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."  Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little gasoline, and dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."  The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.  Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!)

 

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

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Howard    538

Howard
Posted

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "Ya, but we built the Coliseum!"

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to modern mathematics."

"The Italian, nodding, says, "We built the vast Roman Empire."

And so on, and so on, until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

Undaunted, the Italian quickly chirps back,

"That is true, but it was the Italians who included women.”

End of discussion.

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Howard    538

Howard
Posted

Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol

 

 

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jet-Fire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

 

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

 

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.

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