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Maksim

Daily humor thread

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"Oh, what would you like on your vegetarian pizza?" 

"Dead pigs and cows," I said. 

 

She glanced up at me and wrinkled her nose. 

 

"They're vegetarians," I said.

I am a vegetarian and I take offense to this. What happened to being PC ? Damn it. I am offended.

 

.....

 

Just Kidding. Carry on.

 

I walk into a corner deli for breakfast...Real Story

 

"A vegetarian b'fast sandwich, please"

"Sure, we got those, how does chicken sound ?"

"No, vegetarian, no chicken"

"Ok, I can put some fish"

"No, vegetarian, no fish"

"Hmmm, how about eggs"

"No.."

"So you just want the bread ?, why didnt you say so..."

:-(

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Funny anti-smoking animation:

 

www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo

Some day I'll learn how to do that. 

 

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo

 

Yikes:

 

http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

I must be an imbecile. Every permutation.

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Some day I'll learn how to do that. 

 

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo

 

Yikes:

 

http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d6Z_sfKF-Oo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

I must be an imbecile. Every permutation.

 

 

you suck.

 

here

 

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A Scotsman, Englishman, and Irishman were sitting in a bar in the U.S.
"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In
Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his
way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, “at my local in London, the Red Lion, the
barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the
moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all
the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll
take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore
every word was true.

“Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me
sister quite a few times.”

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Romney telling Obama joke:

 

http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Wy8JttV64to" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

I'm too dumb for this. Copied and pasted the share/embed. 

You screwed that up cause the link takes you to the top of this page. lol

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