Daily humor thread

[remixer 1,645]

LMFAO...   

HAHAHAHA did you see the driver HAHAHAHAA

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[seamusSU 0]

[Wavecaster 22]

 

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[seamusSU 0]

[Krdshrk 3,877]

Lefty problems...

[High Exposure 5,664]

There is a simple technique fix for that.....

 

Just sayin'

[Burns 16]

 

That is so damn funny!

[Lalo 13]

I'm loving the patch, going to have to get a couple...

[ogfarmer 138]

I'm loving the patch, going to have to get a couple...

http://store.fourguysguns.com/products/chairborne-ranger-pvc-patch

[Sota 1,191]

There is a simple technique fix for that.....

 

Just sayin'

do tell.

 

 

<--- leftie that hates shooting his rifle right handed.

[checko 180]

do tell.

 

 

<--- leftie that hates shooting his rifle right handed.

I think he means to just shoot it right handed Lol.

[PeteF 1,044]

do tell.<--- leftie that hates shooting his rifle right handed.

Or hybrid. Lefty grip but shift stock to right shoulder

[silverado427 10,729]

LMFAO  

http://youtu.be/PHJqLOsPQFY

[vjf915 456]

Most of those looked scripted.

[Krdshrk 3,877]

You know it's a rough neighborhood when....

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[Howard 538]

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide .


The answer can be found by posing the following question: 

You're walking down a 
deserted street with your wife 
and two small children .

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife 
comes around the corner, 
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, 
raises the knife, and charges at you . . . 

You are carrying a 
Kimber 1911 cal . 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot . 
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family . 
What do you do?



THINK CAREFULLY AND 
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
What is a Kimber 1911 cal . 45 ACP?
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior .
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus .
This is all so confusing!


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Republican's Answer:

BANG!


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


Southerner's Answer: 

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click


Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!' 
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?' 

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!' 

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

[siderman 1,138]

^^^thanx for the laugh, needed it.

[NEAHS 11]

Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

[Lalo 13]

[Worn_Holster 2]

Four surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered," The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded," The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

But the fourth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. They’ve no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable.

[M1152 713]

DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE BUT IT SURE IS FUNNY.

 

 

Here is an email sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.

Dear Mr. Page...

 

I always love your articles. and I generally agree with them.  I would suggest, as in an email I received, they change the name to the "Foreskins" to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress.

Here are some other politically correctness to consider: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward. Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians.   If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

 

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone.   It's offensive to us white folk.

 

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy?  No!  There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.

 

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names.  Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

 

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

 

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

 

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

 

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates . Wrong message to our children.

 

The Milwaukee Brewers---well that goes without saying . . . Wrong message to our children.

 

So, there you go.   We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should.   Just the kind of thing the do-nothing congress loves . . .

 

As a die hard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers."

[Krdshrk 3,877]

[ogfarmer 138]

[wink-_-wink 1]

[High Exposure 5,664]

[intercooler 41]

I give you Brooklyn Tony:

 

Brooklyn Tony on Math

 

The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

 

 

 

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

 

 

 

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

 

 

 

Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU.  There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.  The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.  Which one is married?"

 

 

 

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

 

 

 

To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

 

 

 

"Why?" asks the father.

 

 

 

The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies TONY.

 

 

 

"But that's right!" says his dad.

 

 

 

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

 

 

 

"What's the fucking difference ?" asks the father.

 

 

 

"That's what I said!"

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

 

 

 

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

 

 

 

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."

 

 

 

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day.  All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.  He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

 

 

 

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.  The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.  Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

 

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

 

 

 

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

 

 

 

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

 

 

 

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.  She then called on little Michael.

 

 

 

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

 

 

 

She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

 

 

 

Then the teacher reluctantly called on Brooklyn Tony.

 

 

 

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!' "

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony ON GETTING OLDER

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.  After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.  It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

 

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

 

 

 

Brooklyn Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

 

 

[M1152 713]

http://youtu.be/qKHeXC7L85s