Daily humor thread

[Displaced Texan 6,485]

[DaddyNick 213]

[Sniper 5,353]

[AlDente67 558]

 

 

[Displaced Texan 6,485]

[45Doll 2,542]

[Downtownv 1,035]

Here's a Holiday Dump for Ya'll!

[Displaced Texan 6,485]

[NickySantoro 157]

[Downtownv 1,035]

The hits keep coming!

 

 

[Downtownv 1,035]

Who would have thought that song was a premonition?

 

[High Exposure 4,585]

[SmittyMHS 542]

[njJoniGuy 1,604]

Thanks to George in NH on the National Match board:

I made a snowman

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it should have been two snow men instead.

 

8:22 - The transgender man..woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

.

8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demanded the snow woman wear a burka.

.

8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended

.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

.

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women. I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

.

9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

 

Moral:  There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become.

[DaddyNick 213]

[Amazon 9]

15 hours ago, SmittyMHS said:

 

Rodeo sex position: 

The act of doggy style coitus, where, approaching the climax, the male participant remarks "Your sister likes this way, too". He then starts the clock to see how long he can stay on.

[siderman 807]

20 minutes ago, Amazon said:

 

Rodeo sex position: 

The act of doggy style coitus, where, approaching the climax, the male participant remarks "Your sister likes this way, too". He then starts the clock to see how long he can stay on.

The version I heard was- doing doggy the guy reaches down and grabs her tittys and says these feel just like your sister's......

 

[silverado427 4,867]

1 hour ago, Amazon said:

 

Rodeo sex position: 

The act of doggy style coitus, where, approaching the climax, the male participant remarks "Your sister likes this way, too". He then starts the clock to see how long he can stay on.

[SmittyMHS 542]

3 hours ago, Amazon said:

 

Rodeo sex position: 

The act of doggy style coitus, where, approaching the climax, the male participant remarks "Your sister likes this way, too". He then starts the clock to see how long he can stay on.

It's called cowboy sex. Or so the joke goes. You ask "you know how cowboys have sex?" You cleaned it up real nice though...lol
 

[rifleman 66]

I think the first way is better..... your sister likes it this way, too. It implies much more than just a feel says Mr. English Teacher.

[siderman 807]

48 minutes ago, SmittyMHS said:

It's called cowboy sex. Or so the joke goes. You ask "you know how cowboys have sex?" You cleaned it up real nice though...lol
 

Thought that was Brokeback Mountain.

[Sniper 5,353]

[AlDente67 558]

16 hours ago, Amazon said:

 

Rodeo sex position: 

The act of doggy style coitus, where, approaching the climax, the male participant remarks "Your sister likes this way, too". He then starts the clock to see how long he can stay on.

Oh my god, I just spit up my coffee...and I wasn't drinking any coffee!

[silverado427 4,867]

[xXxplosive 629]

[45Doll 2,542]

Oh yeah, that'll go over well with Mrs. 45Doll!!!

DUCK!

[Scorpio64 3,363]

[Displaced Texan 6,485]

NJ has Mr. Softee. New Orleans has Mr. Weed. 

[WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot 356]

The H&K MP5 was the STAR of this movie...

[brucin 573]

13 minutes ago, WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot said:

The H&K MP5 was the STAR of this movie...

HO HO HO Now I have A machine gun